Brad Penny Pitches a Gem and The Curse Lives on

(Photo by Jim Rogash/Getty Images)

Disclaimer: If you are a Red Sox fan, this article may break your heart. By continuing, you are signing an invisible death waiver, as I will take no responsibility for how miserable your life may become after reading this. If I were you I would stop reading right now. You may be better off going into China and requesting water torture, or perhaps listening to all of Barack Obama's speeches...backward...without a teleprompter. If you do not heed my warning and succumb to the horrible thing known as "sports depression," I would suggest staring at a picture of one or both of the last two Red Sox World Series trophies. If even that doesn't make you feel better, I can help you no further. Godspeed.

September 2nd, 2009 was a brutal night for Red Sox Nation. The Red Sox lost to the Rays 8-5, surrendering three runs that would not be answered immediately after tying the game at 5-5, and continuing their struggles at the Trop this season.

The Texas Rangers were able to defeat the Toronto Blue Jays 6-4, and the Yankees blew the Baltimore Orioles out of the water.

This resulted in the Sox losing a game on all three teams, thinning their Wild Card edge on both the Rangers and Rays to 2.5-game and five-game leads, respectively. It also made any dreams of overtaking the division from the red-hot Yankees much less realistic, as if they weren't already.

But what is even worse for Red Sox fans is that, out of all of the night's events, none of the above hurt the Sox the most.

Former Red Sox starting pitcher Brad Penny suited up for his new team, the San Fransisco Giants, for the first time on September 2nd. And he, in the words of the Joker, "didn't disappoint."

Penny shut out the defending World Champion Philadelphia Phillies for eight innings, allowing just five hits and one walk.

This game was in Philadelphia, in one of the NL's biggest hitters' parks, and in the home of arguably the National League's best lineup. Not to mention that he out-dueled J.A. Happ for the victory, who may be the 2009 recipient of the NL Rookie of the Year award.

Yes, this is the same Brad Penny who had a 5.61 ERA for the Red Sox, going 7-8, and epitomizing the word "mediocre."

Yes, this is the same Brad Penny who never lasted longer than 6.2 innings for Boston.

Yes, this is the same Brad Penny who lost six of his final seven decisions with the Red Sox and was 1-5 after the All-Star break.

Yes, this is the same Brad Penny that was just placed on waivers by Boston and cleared them. It is the same Brad Penny that Tim Wakefield, who is now once again ailing and is currently day-to-day, replaced in the rotation immediately after coming off of the disabled list.

You must be asking yourself right now, "Why did this happen? How did Penny join the Giants and all of a sudden become Superman? Is he on the juice? Did all those McDonald's Big Macs finally make him an amazing pitcher?"

Well, there is an answer to all of those questions, and the answer to the final two are both "probably not."

But the real reason Penny was able to pitch so well with a new team is something intangible. Something experts, scientists, and even Leodis McKelvin have not been able to give an explanation for. However, following many archaeological and astrological discoveries, suicides, homicides, death threats, ransoms, bribes, and lifetimes of searching, the solution has been found.

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