Rubio is a Traitorous Con Artist Who Hates America

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Rubio is a Traitorous Con Artist Who Hates America
(Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)

Before you go judging me, let me say this: I am not a Minnesota Timberwolves fan. I don’t follow the Timberwolves, could care less whether they succeed in the NBA and don’t usually absorb myself in their personnel issues.

But this is different. This involves a kid who made a stupid decision that screwed over America. Not just the Timberwolves. Not just the state of Minnesota. The United States of America.

If you happen to be American and love your country, then you should find it in your heart to hate Ricky Rubio. It’s patriotism.

Hating Rubio should be synonymous with fireworks on the Fourth of July, watermelon at summer picnics and turkey at Thanksgiving. It should be second nature to all of us who stand and put our hands over our hearts when The Star-Spangled Banner plays.

Before you buy into my notion, you probably want to know why. Why hate Ricky Rubio?

It’s simple, really. Rubio is a traitor. A Benedict Arnold, if you will.

Rubio entered the 2009 NBA Draft pledging his allegiance to basketball in the land of the free. He was projected as a top five pick, then selected fifth overall by the T-Wolves.

A 19-year-old point guard with dazzling playmaking abilities, Rubio remained under contract to his Spanish team, DKV Joventut, but was prepared to have his contract bought out and make the move across the pond.

Instead, just weeks after he was poised to become a citizen of the great state of Minnesota, Rubio has re-declared his loyalty to Spanish basketball and is now donning the jersey of Team Barcelona.

Rubio’s contract, which the 'Wolves were close to purchasing, was instead sold to the intra-national Euro League affiliate, who the Spanish native will play for in 2009 and at least a year after that. After that, he can choose to leave for the NBA if he so desires.

But what’s to say the NBA even wants Ricky Rubio anymore?

Rubio has a) conned an NBA franchise, b) turned his back on the league he claims to want to be a part of, c) expressed a desire to play in Spain after expressing a similar desire to play in America, and d) generally acted like a jerk this whole time.

Okay, so maybe he hasn’t really been a jerk, but whatever. He’s still a punk bitch and there’s no changing that now.

Fact is, we got this bad vibe about Rubio before an NBA team even drafted him. He’s a foreign-born, mop-topped, finesse player. We all know what that means: flopper. Not only is he anti-America, but he’s also a terrorist who cheats.

I’m just gonna throw this out there, and if you don’t like it you can go ahead and throw it right back: should Rubio ever actually make it to the NBA, he’ll rank right up there with the likes of Manu Ginobili as one of the most hated players in the history of basketball. There’s no doubt in my mind.

For now, though, we can focus on our efforts to boost homeland security and keep a traitor like Rubio outside our borders. This is America, Rubio, and we’re not having any of your bullshit.

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