A UFC 1000 Superfight: Stephen King, Business Plan and Benjamin Button

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A UFC 1000 Superfight: Stephen King, Business Plan and Benjamin Button
(Photo by Jon Kopaloff/Getty Images)

We all know Dana really wants Fedor but always fails to sign him when he is available. Well my prediction is that Fedor will continue to fight at smaller shows until he is beaten (don't make me name who beats him.)

That loss will cause Fedor's career to spiral down to an all time low as the years go by, his record will then be 31-31 and he will be bankrupt because no organisations will want to sign him.

And then Dana White and his smug face will show up and usher Fedor into the UFC (which at this point will pit convicts and Austrian former bodybuilders turned politicians against Buzzsaw, Subzero, Captain Freedom and Dynamo until of course one particularly Austrian convict will take back the air from Dana White as he screams at delusional fans 'Who loves you and who do you love?')(Reference to 1987's Running Man if you hadn't already guessed)

Fedor will have one fight and one fight only his opponent will be the current Brock Lesnar's descendent.

Brock Lesnar will continue to fight until he is mistaken for a female gorilla at San Diego zoo and mated so violently he becomes brain dead, leading his children to fend for themselves.

His son Brock and daughter Brock resemble him, they both are 6ft 3 and 265 lbs by puberty. They decide that if they inbreed then their descendants will be superhuman (this inbreeding is repeated in each generation for the next 30 generations.)

Until finally two children are born, Brock Jr x 30 who is eight feet tall and 450 lbs at birth and a curious child named Benjamin, who looks remarkably like Brad Pitt and ages backwards.

But Brock Jr immediately eats his sibling, he is signed by the UFC at the age of five (at this point he is 12ft and 750 lbs), and his first fight is against a 245 year old Fedor.

Dana White has kept Fedor in a cryogenic freezer for all this time so that he can face up against the freak of nature that is Brock 30.0. And here is the commentary from this event:

Dave Goldberg: "If only my grandpa Mike was here to see this day, oh what a spectacle."

Joe Rogan: "Too right, this is bigger than when Anderson Silva fought 30 bears in the Octagon and seeing the ensuing massacre."

Dave Goldberg: "Those poor bears, which reminds me for every $1 the UFC makes we will give the 'Money for the family of Bears killed in the octagon by Anderson Silva fund' 0.0000001 cent."

Jor Rogan: "My god, maybe we should be at Live Aid next year we could really make a difference."

Dave Goldberg: "I think you forget that most fans of the UFC and present company included would much prefer to see Bob Geldof hammer fisted rather than hand him any money."

Joe Rogan: "Sorry to interupt you but I just have to plug one of my stand up shows............."

Dave Goldberg: "Now to the main event, Brock Lesnar Jr V Fedor."

Dave Goldberg: "Brock Jr weighed in last night at 265 lbs but you know he is going to be back at his natural weight of 750 lbs for this fight."

Joe Rogan: "He's just some yoked up dude and look at Fedor, frail and weak."

The next 10 mins are then spent building up the main event and plugging over events and making comments like "Brock Lesnar Jr is a big dude" and then Joe says "BJ Penn can put his legs behind his head without using his hands."

Dave Goldberg: "And here we go, and Brock looks for the takedown and gets it."

Joe Rogan: "My God he has just crushed Fedor."

Dave Goldberg: "And Brock has mounted Fedor, but decides to get into full guard and tries to pass his guard and Fedor gets him in a kneebar."

Joe Rogan: "I guess inbreeding is only good if you want to be 750 lbs rather than a true mixed martial artist."

So that is my prediction, beside the inbreeding, Running Man style organisation, Fedor losing, Fedor being frozen and Dana White turning into a Damon Killian style presenter I think that is a real possibility.

By the way if you were wondering how Joe Rogan survived for 200 years past when he should've died, he is actually a robot even now. Thats why his stand-up and interviewing skills lack creativity.

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