With the NBA off-season starting to come to a close, I thought it would be a good time to recap the ten weirdest looking shots by NBA players today. The criteria for making the list:
1) Feeling compelled to ask myself out loud, “How was this shot not corrected when this guy was growing up?”
2) I wince in pain, just thinking about the shot.
Yep, it's as simple as that. Some of these shots are jumpers, some are free throws, and others are...well...I'm not sure what they are.
Anyway, here’s the list.
I wonder if Rashard was a late bloomer to the game of basketball because I don’t see how a child could consistently knock down an over-the-head shot and elevate high enough at the same time. His shot reminds me of that one guy at the rec center nobody wants on their team because his insanely weird release usually misses the rim. It doesn’t appear to have the same affect on the three point shooting specialist though, as can be seen throughout Lewis’s playoff performances in 2009.
When Jamal Crawford shoots, he is a cross between a fish flopping out of water and Jackie Chan. How so? Watch any number of game winners the current Hawk has hit, and you will notice that Jamal contorts his body in every possible direction while at the same time kicking his legs out like a true kung fu master.
The two lefties on the list are combined because they use the same ball-over-left-side-of-their-head release that really defines them as players. As the only lefty on the Jasper team this year, I was bombarded with requests to change my shot to match Redd’s because of how cool it looks.
If you sent Michael to battle back in the middle ages and gave him something to launch, he might save an army the materials needed for a catapult just with his release. If that army wanted to win a battle, however, Fisher would be the obvious choice. His catapult shot literally leaves a rainbow behind it that leads to a pot of gold on the other side.
I’ve always been curious as to what is going through Dirk’s mind as he begins to post up on a six-foot point guard after the defense switches off a screen. I’m guessing it goes something like…
“Alright, I’ve got Iverson on me. Should I back him down farther and dunk it? No, David Hasselhoff wouldn’t approve of that…I’ve got it! I’ll do a fade away while spreading my legs as wide as physically possible, and then after I drain the shot I’ll mess with my jersey and look up into the stands for no apparent reason.”
I try to keep potty humor to a minimum when I write these columns, but Jerry Stackhouse makes it impossible to contain. It looks like Stackhouse learned to shoot from the charity stripe by sticking a toilet at the free throw line, then bending down until he makes contact with the seat, at which point he explodes upwards and makes a perfect swish. Some NBA players try to “go to another place” mentally when they shoot a free throw, and it appears Jerry’s destination is the nearest bathroom.
Throughout this year’s playoffs, millions of NBA fans witnessed the good, the bad, and the ugly of Kenyon Martin’s fantastically flat floater (I’ve got to keep up my alliteration skills for English next year). Martin would drive to the basket and have a fairly wide open lane, but instead of dunking it, he takes the normal floater and turns it into a line drive that either flew straight off the rim, missed the rim by six feet, or surprised everyone and went in with a perfect swish.
In the rare event that there was a swoosh on Kenyon’s floater, the crowd/commentators would sit in complete silence as they wondered when the Nugget’s big man had time to develop such a weird shot. It’s even rumored that when it became very quiet, some of the crowd could actually hear the buzzing sound of Martin getting another tattoo on his neck to go along with the luscious lips (another alliteration) he received earlier in the season.
Honestly, Shaq’s free throws could account for all ten spots on this list because he’s changed his motion so many times. It might be late in O’Neal’s career, but I think I’ve solved his problem. “The Big Aristotle” hates the backboard and the rim.
Think about it, Shaq has destroyed numerous backboards to the point where they crash down onto the court in millions of pieces, but that’s only when he can dunk it. When he’s at the free throw line, he can’t just take off and jam it (he’s not Michael Jordan or Julius Erving), so he tries to take out his anger by chucking it as hard as he can with a general disregard to actually making the shot. If he gets some counseling for the obvious anger issues, “Hack-a-Shaq” could become “Hack-a-Dwight” once and for all.
“The Matrix” was the leader of the weirdest shot category until 2004, when Kevin Martin entered the league. Marion takes Kenyon Martin’s floater, adds his left hand, and spins the ball in a crazy direction while at the same time kicking his legs back as if he’s some sort of rabbit.
Most NBA teams are willing to overlook Shawn’s strange release because of his freakish athletic ability, and fantasy basketball owners are willing to forgive him for it because he can help a fantasy team pretty much across every category on a stat sheet.
I imagine at least 3,000 coaches tried to change Martin’s shot, but after realizing he was making every jumper from the floor they decided to let him do whatever he wanted. Martin basically releases his jumper at the exact point where you are not supposed to shoot if you don’t want to be blocked, but he’s fast enough to get away with it.
It’s also interesting to note that there are two “K-Marts” on this list. Keep that in mind if your last name is Martin and you plan on having a child that will pursue an NBA career.
I don’t think there has been a more disturbing looking shot in the history of the NBA. If you have never seen a Chuck Hayes free throw, I advise you to look it up on Youtube at your own discretion (faint of heart should turn away). It’s almost as if Hayes stops in the middle of his shot and remembers that he left his Lamborghini unlocked with the keys inside of it in The Toyota Center parking lot. Then, realizing he’s still at the free throw line, Hayes does his best to clunk the ball off the rim to save himself the embarrassment of an air ball, but the damage is already done.
At least Hayes brings fans and NBA players together. If you didn’t think you could relate to Allen Iverson at all, think again, because even the Hall-of-Famer was seen laughing at Chuck’s free throw motion.