Congrats, Jon Lester!: Red Sox Pitcher Leads His Team to 7-0 Win over Royals

As always, thanks for taking the time to give me some of your time. I hope I am able to entertain you with my rapid take on the past few days in the world of sports.

JON LESTER
Boston Red Sox pitcher Jon Lester (3-2) threw a no-hitter Monday night, while leading his team to a 7-0 victory over the Kansas City Royals at Fenway Park.

Lester, 24, who defeated a rare form of non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma in 2006, is a storybook example of how perseverance and determination can triumph over adversity.

“I’ve been through a lot the last couple of years,” said the young lefty moments after he made history in Beantown. “Really, words can’t describe my feelings right now.”

Jon Lester’s actions the last couple of years have spoken louder than his words ever could. He is a heroic warrior and his remarkable performance Monday evening will not be forgotten anytime soon. Congratulations, Jon!

JASON GIAMBI
New York Yankees first baseman Jason Giambi revealed this week that he wears a gold flame, tiger-striped thong when he is mired in a prolonged batting slump.

“I only put it on when I’m desperate to get out of a big slump,” the abuser of steroids told Portfolio.com.

“The Giambino,” a non-blinking freak whose body is engulfed with tattoos, has shared his erotic undergarment with teammates Derek Jeter, Bernie Williams, Johnny Damon, Robin Ventura and Robinson Cano to help them with their hitting struggles at various points since becoming a Bomber in 2002.

As if it hasn’t been difficult enough to support a team that employs the frost-tipped Alex Rodriguez, and the neanderthalic Kyle Farnsworth, Giambi’s disclosure adds yet another embarrassing layer to the teams present makeup.

As my friend Ben Williams said regarding the Bombers current roster, “We might have to put one or two of the players down like Eight Belles to get back on track.” Amen, Brother Williams. Euthanizing may be the only legitimate answer to cure all that ails the organization from the Bronx.

ARLEN SPECTER
After meeting with former New England video assistant Matt Walsh Wednesday, iconic United States Senator Arlen Specter said that he wants an independent and impractical investigation into the Patriots illegal taping practices.

“What is necessary is an objective investigation, and this one has not been objective,” said Specter.

Specter, the ranking Republican on the Senate Judiciary Committee, did not flatly demand a congressional investigation during his press conference. But, the sage political dynamo insinuated that there is a possibility of hearings in the future.

“If they don’t [act], I think it’s up to Congress to investigate and take corrective action,” said Specter, who said his office has been stonewalled in its attempts to investigate. “It might be hearings. My colleagues will know and have access to all the information I do, but let them decide.”

In lieu of Specter’s noble crusade to thwart cheating in sports, I firmly believe that he deserves to have his image sculpted into Mount Rushmore National Memorial in South Dakota.

It would be a befitting tribute to have Specter become the first non-president to have his Chevy Chase adorned on the shrine of democracy.
Washington…Jefferson…Roosevelt…Lincoln…Specter.

WHO CAN’T USE MORE ARLEN SPECTER?
In the late-1990’s, the phrase “what would Jesus do?” again became a popular motto uttered by thousands and thousands of Christians everywhere. In light of Specter’s holy work last week, I am considering following the words, “What would Arlen do?”

Thanks again for your time. Without your readership, I’d have absolutely zero reason to write.