As I was pondering the upcoming college football season I began thinking about all the things that make this game so special. You’ve got things you cannot find at the professional level, such as marching bands, male cheerleaders, and real mascots.
The more I thought, the more I began to realize how fun the game of college football really is. Each fan has a unique perspective, a favorite team, and the team they love to hate.
The following are some of my personal perspectives from the world of college football. Some of these ideas were conjured by yours truly, while others where from friends or others with whom I love to share my college football seasons.
1. He Must Have Not Eaten His Wheaties.
This was something created by my best friend and has stuck throughout the years. Take in mind that this phrase applies not only to college football, but to any sport. However, this phrase is highly used on Saturday during the fall, and particularly used on Friday nights as we officiate high school football games together.
It is inevitable that early in the season some poor kid will suffer cramps and quickly hit the turf failing to get up under his own power. The athletic trainers scramble to get him off the field, and from across the field my friend, who is standing on the opposing sideline will undoubtedly have these words running through his.
Now, I don’t take injuries lightly. When a player goes down, from either team, fans and mothers throughout the stands collectively hold their breath. But as soon as we know that the player is alive and will be okay my friend will always turn to me and say, “He must have not eaten his Wheaties this morning.”
2. Just Rub Some Dirt in It.
This one is directly related to the first phrase, except this is typically used when one’s own player goes down.
It’s never a laughing matter when anyone goes down with a major injury, but when a minor injury occurs to one’s own player you want him to get back in the game, especially the starting quarterback of star linebacker.
Some people may say “walk it off” or “shake it off” but this one has seemed to stick with me and some friends of mine. What does dirt have to do with overcoming an injury? I’m not really sure to be honest, but having heard some older people use this expression before it seems comical to me.
So, when a running back comes up hobbling, particularly your 1000-plus yard back, you want him to just “rub some dirt in it” and get back to carrying the rock!
3. The L2 Button Didn’t Work that Time.
Oh, how the world of video games has changed the way we observe sports.
Now, anyone with any video gaming experience understands this phrase. The “L2 Button” in all reality could be any button on the controller. It simply means the ball carrier didn’t execute his planned move quite like he had planned.
When the running back is hit in the backfield while trying to stiff-arm a defensive end, when a receiver is tackled in open space while trying the juke a corner, or when a punt returner gets tagged almost instantaneously upon catching the ball, the first assumption is that man’s strategy has been debunked.
Some people love to see great runs, some love to see great catches, but for me, I love to see big hits and defensive domination. So, as long as the “L2 Button” doesn’t work for the opposing team, I’m having a great day.
4. Don’t Send in that Guy!
This is one to which we can all relate, and perhaps even scream from the stand or our recliners on Saturdays.
Many teams have that one player to which they turn in clutch situations or when the game is on the line, knowing that his joke-job of a performance from the previous week cost them the game. So why do they turn back to this guy again?
This is the guy that initiates more prayers than you’ll ever hear from a Sunday morning worship service, with hopes that this time he will come through when it counts the most.
Sometimes it might be a running back with fresh legs that needs to pick up that first down so the clock can run out. Or perhaps it might be the “special quarterback” who can throw the ball a country mile.
More often than not, however, it is a kicker that a team is relying upon to kick the 75 yard field goal to win the game as time expires.
Just ask LSU fans if they could have made the call last year in the Arkansas game would they have put in the kicker for a 60-plus yard field goal, or would they have taken their chances on another “Bluegrass Miracle.” Not that their kicker was awful, but that was an unbelievable distance.
Me personally, I would have taken my chances on the next Doug Flutie Hail Mary. But then again, I don’t get paid the millions to make the decision to “send in that guy” one more time.
5. Southwest Montana Technical Institute for the Feeble Women
This phrase is used for that opponent which is part of the watered down schedule which the coach and athletic director have decided to grace us with this season. You may have your own special name (some I must refrain from mentioning here in an effort not to debase or offend anyone), so feel free to insert as you wish.
The debate has long been that some teams or conferences invite cream puffs to participate in match-ups in an effort to fill their non-conference schedules. Why? Because the conference schedule is already filled with such arduous opponents there is no way scheduling four quality opponents could ever be feasible.
Therefore, for the three to four non-conference games scheduled against teams that would scarcely be considered worthy competition for your local high school team, one feels compelled to label them as being the “Southwest Montana Technical Institute for the Feeble Women.”
6. Please Don’t Pick My Team
Most of you may be thinking that having an “expert” pick your team to win is a good thing, but not so fast my friend.
My best friend and I have concluded that when Lee Corso picks our team to win you might as well hang it up. The rest of the day you become even more nervous with anticipation simply because we know that Corso’s picks are like some sort of omen of misfortune to befall on that team.
For me, I am pleading with the television set for Corso to please not pull out Big Al’s head, while my best friend is begging that Lee doesn’t unveil… wait for it… wait for it… Aubie’s head.
Yeah that’s right. My best friend is an Aubie.
So, while we may have our differences in so many things, one thing will forever remain the same: when Corso picks your team you’d better pull out everything, including the lucky drawers, rabbit’s foot, and any other good luck charm that may be stashed in your college football trunk.
So there you have it. These are just a few of the many personal phrases and views from the world of college football. Feel free to share your own thoughts, phrases, etc. in the comment’s section below.
Here’s to a great college football season in 2009!
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