Al Davis Mistakenly Detained by Homeland Security

In a startling case of mistaken identity, the home of Al Davis, founder and owner of the National Football League's Oakland Raiders, was searched early this morning, and the soon-to-be octogenarian was detained and questioned in an investigation relating to, according to documents obtained from the Homeland Security Department, "crimes against the citizens of the United States of America, the founding of an evil regime, and an overall disregard for proper hygiene."

The massive sting, which had taken three agents working over a span of four months to compile, is being seen as a black mark on the Homeland Security Department's already spotty resume. The department apparently thought it had been investigating North Korea's Kim Jong-Il, the country's despotic dictator and a member of President Bush's now famous "Axis of Evil." Homeland Security is already reeling from this monumental gaffe.

"To be fair," stated one department spokesman on condition of anonymity, "Al and Kim are strikingly similar in many ways. The out of fashion eyeglasses. The slicked up bouffant hairdo. The garbled English. I mean, come on. It's really an honest mistake, I think."

Davis, or the "man in black" as his admirers call him, seemed nonplussed by the events of the day. "I'm used to this (expletive)," said Davis. "I swear, if Rozell wasn't dead, I'd think it was his doing."

When asked if there was a tip-off that led the department to determine they had the wrong man, Frank Jones, a veteran of Homeland Security and lead investigator on the case, responded, "Well, we were pretty excited about the suspect until we discovered he did not own a DVD player. That was our first indication that we might be pissing on the wrong leg."

Davis was eventually released, but the case itself may not be over, said Jones. "I think we can still get him on the crimes against U.S. citizens charge and maybe the evil empire stuff," he said. "But proving the poor hygiene thing is going to be a little more difficult."