Being a huge Ultimate Fighting fan, I often find myself having to explain to my friends about how the sport works. I have to explain the rules, who the best fighters are, you know, stuff like that.
So, getting tired of explaining things to my dumbass friends, and being the awesome super-smart stud that I am, I decided I'd write a complete history of UFC fighting.
The Beginning (Well duh, genius)
In the beginning, Roy Gracie came over to America on a plane from Brazil, with an ambition of proving himself the world's greatest fighter. He set up an underground fighting group called the Ultimate Fighting Championship, which consisted of Karate experts, boxers, ninjas and shaolin monks all looking to prove themselves as the world's greatest fighter. There were no rules, and they had to fight to the death to proceed to the next round.
Roy Gracie preparing for battle
Roy defeated them all with ease, using his Zhu Zitzu, an ancient Chinese art that allowed one to break the limbs of their opponents with just a flick of the wrist, and make them shit their pants without knowing why.
Roy went undefeated, killing every opponent he faced, when he heard that there was another fighting group out in Japan, that went by the name of PRIDE.
PRIDE was a new promotion, created and run by a mysterious figure called Feidur Melenko, who hailed from the deepest regions of the Siberian wilderness, but he did not fight in the tournament until later stages.
Anyway, Roy's first matchup was against a fearsome opponent named Sushi Saikyoraba, a master of Saikyo Arts.
Sushi Saikyoraba, the founder of Saikyo Arts
In a vicious battle that lasted days, Saikyoraba defeated Roy, who was never heard from again and is presumed dead by police.
The Middle Part (the part where all the stuff happens)
With PRIDE getting larger and larger, the Japanese government needed to shut down this criminal organisation pronto, but sending a Japanese cop would be too obvious. They needed someone else, they needed...a Croatian Cop.
Cro Cop being prepped for his mission...or about to get a cavity search, I'm not sure which
The Cro Cop was entered into the tournament by the Japanese authorities with the intention of bringing it down from within, and getting some information on the mysterious Melenko. Cro Cop had made it down to the final four, along with John Barnett, Anthony Noriega, and Cro Cop's next opponent, Melenko himself!
Meanwhile, back in the USA, the police had thought they had exterminated Ultimate Fighting until a ruthless businessman-slash-mob boss named Dana White put together another UFC, nearly ten years after the last event.
During this tournament, Tito Ortiz had already progressed to the final round, and Randy Couture, five-time Olympic gold wrestler, was due to face Chuck Liddell, who had KO'd every opponent he had ever faced cold, all inside one round.
Couture got the better of Chuck, leaving him beaten but deciding to spare his life, before going on the defeat Tito Ortiz, and claiming the UFC belt. But, as Couture celebrated his win, Chuck Liddell appeared in the cage beside him, back for revenge, and this time, there would be only one survivor.
Couture got the better of Chuck, leaving him beaten but deciding to spare his life, before going on the defeat Tito Ortiz, and claiming the UFC belt. But, as Couture celebrated his win, Chuck Liddell appeared in the cage beside him, back for revenge, and this time, there would be only one survivor.
After a hard fought battle, with everyone in the audience suffering overexposure to awesomeness and dying of cancer several years later, Liddell stood over Couture's body and proclaimed himself the true owner of the belt.
16 Comments
Loading more comments...
This comment and all replies have been deleted This comment has been deleted Undo delete