Alexi Lit Up His MacBook and Showed Me the Way

On a dark A380, cool wind in my hair

Heading in from Heathrow, five miles up in the air

Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light

My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim

What the heck is Herbalife?

There he stood in the jetway;

The single-entity sell

And I was thinking to myself,

This could be heaven or this could be hell

Alexi lit up his MacBook and showed me the way

How a league can be run like

TGI Fridays

 

Welcome to the Hotel California

Such a lovely place

Lost in time and space

Plenty of room at the Hotel California

Any time of year, the exhibition’s here

 

Their minds are corporate twisted, they got to make amends

They got a lot of pretty, pretty boys, with which they defend

Paid by the league office, club autonomy denied

Hamstrung by salary caps, relegation untried

 

So I called up the captain,

Please give me a sign

He said, “we’ve run this franchise here since eighteen eighty nine”

And still those voices are calling from far away,

Wake you up in the middle of the flight

Just to hear them say...

 

Welcome to the Hotel California

Such a lovely place

Trapped in time and space

I’m livin’ it up at the Hotel California

What a nice surprise, Mr. and Ms. Spice

 

The TV in my seat back

Played 'Miami Vice'

And he said “we are all just prisoners here, of our own device.”

Back in coach sat Don Garber

The NFL world league priest

Sounders mania in full force,

But he still can’t cure the beast

 

Last thing I remember, I was

Running for the door

I had to find the passage back

To the place I was before

Relax, said the marshal

We are programmed to receive.

You can checkout any time you like,

But you can never leave…

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