TSN Cribs: John Madden

Since my wife will give birth to our second child any day now, I figured I’d post some oldies but goodies from my Sporting News vault. This is a spoof so I hope nobody takes offense.

Welcome to TSN Cribs, where we show you how your favorite sports personalities live. This week, John Madden has been kind enough to give us a glimpse into his life when he’s not rolling in the Madden Cruiser.

You’ll notice as you pull up the driveway you have ample dining choices. Madden has the only personal Burger King and Taco Bell in the U.S. Madden says “Hey, a lot of times you never know when you’re going to need a snack on the way from the street to my house. I mean, sometimes you need a burger, and when you need a burger, nobody does it your way like Burger King. Other times you need a Chulupa, and nobody chulups a chulupa like Taco Bell. Then sometimes I get a Whopper and stuff a soft taco inside. He he he.”

As you enter the foyer you’ll notice a large painting on the wall. It’s a lovely oil painting of John Madden and Brett Favre. Madden says “nobody plays like Brett Favre when he plays like Brett Farve, unless Brett Favre isn’t playing like Brett Farve.” The entire house is carpeted in green and all of the window treatments are yellow. Next I’ll talk you to the kitchen.

In the kitchen you’ll notice four refrigerators stacked up side by side. Madden chuckles “you know, I have one for all my breakfast foods. You don’t want to run out of sausage, bacon, ham, pancake or waffle batter, french toast, eggs. Then I have my lunch fridge. There are a lot of ways to go here. You can do brats. Brett Farve got me the secret Lambeau recipe. You can also go with pizza or lunch meat. I have burgers in case I don’t want to make the long trip down to my driveway. Then I have the dinner fridge. I keep that stocked with whole lasagna platters and turkduckens. Finally I have the snack fridge for in between meals. I spend more time in here than any other room. He he he.”

Next we go to the master bedroom. Notice how Madden got a replica of Shaq’s bed. However, instead of the Superman S, there is a giant number four on the comforter. On the night stand is a game worn Brett Favre jockstrap. Madden says “when I have a hard time sleeping, this works perfectly to block out the light” as he takes a whiff and then models it for the camera.

Check out my plasma TV. I don’t actually get cable, but I have hidden cameras installed in Favre’s house and locker stall. We’re real good friends and I like knowing he’s close.” On the TV you can see Brett Farve starting to undress to take a shower. Madden begins shoving the cameraman. “That’s a wrap. Thanks cribs, but you have to leave now.” Madden has a scary glimmer in his eye and a wry smile on his face.

Until next time. Thanks for watching TSN Cribs.