Will Brett Favre Drive the Brad Childress Car Far?

Baby you can drive my car
Yes I'm gonna be a star
Baby you can drive my car
And maybe I'll love you

"Speaking of whether I ever punched a coach — I never drove anyone from the airport, either." John Madden, from the New York Times NFL blog The Fifth Down, on Brad Childress being Brett's chauffeur.

It seems Snake Stabler had to drive himself after all, eh?

Isn't the Brad and Brett bonding all a bit weird? The whole coach picking up the aging Hamlet like QB at the airport thing?

Didn't it seem strange?

It seemed almost a type of gleeful groveling. I mean, did the head coach clean his house and give him a back rub later?

Does Brett get breakfast in bed served by Brad?

If Favre gets such favors what does one do for Adrian Peterson? Carrying him around like a Caesar of old one hopes for the team success rests on his healthy wheels. 

And what of Sage who blew up from the southwest? Has he been reduced to a foot stool?

Isn't it hard to picture a smiling Bud Grant picking Fran Tarkenton up at the airport, grabbing his bags, and shuffling him, a month or so late, to training camp.

Poor Joe Kapp likely had to run from the airport to the field in full pads—and like it.

Bud Grant was laid back about training camp but surely so laid back that he was a chauffeur.

Though maybe he should have driven Tommy Kramer around from time to time.

And I wouldn't joke too much with Fran Tarkenton, either. That old purple player sounds like he wants to challenge Favre to a duel. 

They are both southern men so why not? It's tradition after all.

What about a grinning Tom Landry, the fedora would fit a well dressed driver, picking up Roger Staubach at the airport and driving him about Dallas?

A big Landry smile and  a "Welcome to Dallas Roger your gonna love it here! Lily is fixing your room up right now!"

That's what the Cowboys have those cheerleaders for, right?

Jim McMahon would have loved to scream "Hey Ditka easy with those damn bags and don't tell me you forgot my beer cooler again! Ditka you dupe!"

Be careful driving with Ditka at airports though because he once got a DUI leaving the airport after the team returned from a rare victory in San Francisco. The coach consumed most of the victory wine, sang songs of victory on the planes loud speaker, and later ,as he was being handcuffed beside the highway by the police, listened to his players beep, beep, beep, their horns as they drove on by.

One wonders if Ditka's mentor, Papa Bear Halas, ever played chauffeur for his prized players?

"Halas get your old ass over here I'm in a hurry!"

And wouldn't Terry Bradshaw have loved to give Chuck Noll an easy Cajun grin and say "Coach can you slow it down a little. Road rage isn't good for your blood pressure and can we grab some take out quick? The airplane service sure sucks. Come on Chuck give us a chuckle. Put on your happy face!"  

Bill Walsh once dressed as a hotel porter to welcome his players to their super bowl week hotel so perhaps he would drive a quarterback about but who would he pick up first Joe Montana or Steve Young?

Maybe Dan Marino could get away with shouting the airport "Come on Shula you pick me up in this piece of junk and I don't want your boy carrying my bags. You do it...he's just clumsy. I bet you never picked up Unitas in a junker like this."

How about Phil Simms shouting "Where in the hell is the Tuna? I told him nine and I mean nine not nine fifteen!"

Maybe it will all work out in Minnesota.

Maybe Favre will be like a lost Lancelot arriving from the mythical mist at the nick of time to save his King from doom and gloom and finally bring a Super Bowl banner to the land of the lakes at last.

Or maybe it's all a purple haze in Brad's brain. Maybe lately things don't seem the same. Maybe Brad's just acting funny and he don't know why.

Favre will likely fail.

It's all in time for Brad Childress now. Nothing less then an NFC Championship game appearance, and maybe even a Minnesota win there, will stop Viking owner Zygi Wilf from taking what's left of his coach's scalp.

But Favre worked best under a highly disciplined, big boss man coach, like Mike Holmgren, who controlled his turnover making recklessness.

Can a chauffeur by a coach like that?

And  the quarterback was, of course, much younger then. Now he seems older and perhaps slightly insane judging by all  his waxing and waning in the media spotlight.

Or maybe Favre just hates the Green Bay Packers that much.

Or loves attention, and the money, that much.

Or maybe he is Mississippi mad.

Or a combination of all three.

Either way I see a slowed by age and injuries old quarterback, who missed most of camp, struggling with a new team and his own fading talent.

That dome turf is a hard, hard bounce.

And next year at this time a bruised, but retired, Favre will be sitting on his porch in Mississippi sticking pins in his Packer voodoo doll.

Favre will be working his best Cajun ju ju to jinx the Cheese-heads.

And if his mojo is really magical maybe Jay Cutler will go down next year and maybe the Chicago Bears will finally call him.

Maybe the Bears will bring him back from the swamps like the NFL's Freddy Kruger for one more sequel.

One more shot ought to do it.

And Brad?

He'll be driving himself somewhere.

Maybe Utah or Idaho to coach tight ends or quarterbacks after what is known as the Favre fiasco comes crashing down round him like the Hindenburg.

Brett will need a different driver to catch the plane back to Mississippi come cold January.

Maybe Bud Grant's available.

Beep beep'm beep beep yeah
Beep beep'm beep beep yeah
Beep beep'm beep beep yeah
Beep beep'm beep beep yeah