Chuck "The Iceman" Liddell is not "Twinkletoes"

(Photo by Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images)

Admittedly, I have been living in a fog since it was announced that Chuck "The Iceman" Liddell is going to appear as a contestant on "Dancing With the Stars."

Surely, there has been some mistake.

There is a fighter in MMA who is known as "Twinkletoes," but it certainly is not Liddell.

In the three years that I suffered through Junior Cotillion, I met a lot of guys who resembled Liddell.

All were prone to belonging to herds of other adolescent boys, who in spite of their height or pretensions of maturity, enjoyed ogling the young women who were developing breasts, curves and hips, making "cute" comments to make those girls blush and the other members of the herd chortle loudly and shuffle their feet.

None of these bruisers were much in the dancing department, although they did leave their marks on many of the young lovelies' feet.

It was my great misfortune to have attained the unusual distinction of being 5'8" and developing C cup breasts at the age of 12. That made me as tall or taller than most of the "guys," but very interesting due to my early blooming, so to speak.

Rather than making me the belle of the ball, this made me a possible target of lust, but not a desirable dance partner, perhaps due to the phenomenon of undesirable yet spontaneous erections.

To return to my current topic, though, in my wildest moments, I have never pictured Mr. Liddell as a dancer.

True, I have seen the pole he had installed in his rec room. From what I have seen of it in the background at some of the videos shot at his parties, the pole is more of a "chick" than a "Chuck" thing.

I doubt he had his own "dancing" in mind when he had it installed.

And as far as I can say, the only dancing I have seen the Iceman involved in has been on the receiving end of lap dancing. In these cases, I doubt he was sober enough to dance, let alone walk. I do not remember him standing up afterwards either.

So now I am supposed to believe that Liddell can dance well enough to compete on a national television show?

Wait a minute—is this Dana punking his old buddy once again?

Well, yes, I will most likely be watching to see all of Liddell's moves. Depending on his degree of success, I may again be revisiting my cotillion memories.

Perhaps, like my date for the final prom, Liddell will develop Chicken Pox.

If not, someone please stop him!

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