I came to a terrible epiphany today.
My girlfriend is not one to follow sports. She enjoys playing them, mind you, but when it comes to watching sports, she simply does not have the patience or excitement that is genetically implanted in almost every male.
She couldn't tell you what team Tom Brady played for or that the Phillies are a baseball team.
She could tell you who Brett Favre is, though. When I told her the news of Favre's return to the NFL to play for the Vikings, her response was not "Who is that?" or "Why are you telling me this?" No, her answer was far scarier.
"Why can't he make up his mind?" she said.
That's when I knew enough was enough.
ESPN loves its stars, but it is time to ask the question that has to be asked.
Who are you more tired of hearing about: Brett Favre or Michael Vick?
Let's start with the prima donna himself. We have to admit, people, the enemy is us. We make this guy the story by playing into his little game.
Just like the boy who cried wolf, we listened each and every time Favre cried retirement. It's sad but true.
I mean, do we really need helicopters following his car like it's O.J.'s white Bronco?
Brett Favre is a future Hall-of-Famer, but he is also 40 years old. We have no proof that his surgically repaired arm is going to hold up for a grueling NFL season. All we know is last year, the New York Jets were on the verge of a playoff berth, and they literally threw it away.
I understand Favre's arm was falling off, and I know that he will be asked to do less in Minnesota, but can he really do that?
I mean, is it in the man's DNA to not be the star of whatever team he goes to?
He is the gunslinger, after all. That's how he plays the game. There is no window he does not think he can throw into, and that has made him such an iconic figure for so many years.
Will the Super Bowl ring be worth the diminished role to Favre? Will he stand in his own way of the dream he has sacrificed so much for?
Favre the player is certainly a newsworthy story, and perhaps I could understand all the hype for the following days, but it's a song and dance we have heard before. It's like a hit song that has been played so much you want to throw your radio out the window.
Maybe if we never had to deal with Chris Mortensen on Favre's front porch giving me daily reports of him throwing to high schoolers for the past two years, I could deal with this. Now, the boiling point has come.
I know stars come out of retirement all the time. In boxing, it's practically required. Over time we seem to forget those terrible endings, like Michael Jordan in a Wizards jersey. Will we ever really forget this, though?
Please do us a favor and ban the word Favre from ESPN's vocabulary for the next week; we will all be better for it.
I know what Michael Vick did was heinous, but can we just drop the morality argument for a second? This is a case of absence making the heart grow fonder.
Two years ago, many people wondered if Vick was ever going to be a consistent NFL quarterback.
Let's face it: his backup, Matt Schaub, looked better than the injury-prone Vick under center. His quarterback rating was pretty bad, and his team only had one real postseason run under his tenure.
How ironic that his defining moment came against our other option, Brett Favre, overwhelming the Packers in the playoffs.
He is a freakish athlete, but shouldn't we withhold our judgment on how he is going to bring a Super Bowl to Philadelphia until he actually plays a down this season?
Please name me a player who has spent two years away from the game and came back to be anywhere as good as he was before. Being in shape is one thing, but there will be rust.
Sure, Vick is still fast, but is he as freakishly fast so as to create a nearly unbeatable character in the 2004 Madden game?
Besides, we don't even know when or how much he is going to play!
Vick has yet to be fully reinstated in the NFL. Even when he is, he will not threaten Donovan McNabb for the starting spot. He is the most talked about third-string quarterback in the history of football.
I know there are people who believe him touching the ball 10 to 15 times will be enough. Of course, they said the same thing about Reggie Bush. I think we know how that is working out.
Before you call me a hater, I know Vick is far better than Bush, but the rule remains the same: Limited touches cost a player like Vick the rhythm he needs to be successful. Besides, those Philadelphia fans will be enablers towards either anointing him as a newfound god or banishing him from the field depending on each and every play.
Vick is a great athlete, but does that really mean he will be a great factor for Philadelphia?
Should we really be talking about it nonstop at the expense of other big names and big storylines?
I suppose if they move the needle it makes sense, but I feel pretty sure that the two biggest names in August will be mere afterthoughts when the NFL really matters...January and February.