My recent illness has left me in an almost irate state.
I have not seen the lush light of outside for days, and as a result, my body has turned whiter than a lamb.
Additionally, the continuous confine of my sofa has left permanent red-marks on my back, which have begun to look like a bad case of sun-burn.
I have also gone through more medication and eye-drops than “Sick” Richards, whom I am sure you are all familiar with.
The point of this article is not to be funny, nor is it to contend for an Article of the Day award. Rather, it is for you all to take a shot at me.
“What? Are you crazy?” they ask.
No. Well, yes, I am going insane, but the intent of this article remains the same. (And yes, that was a magnificent rhyme by yours truly.)
You see, ever since my acquaintance with the infamous pirate, Maddox, I have found a far deeper meaning to the cherished possession we all call life.
That deep meaning is the art of insulting another (a common weapon included in many internet troll’s arsenals).
I mean, don’t get me wrong, it is horrible to belittle or write negative things about another person, especially when it stems from disagreement; but if you catch them starting the fire, then I say throw in the gas can and watch ‘er burn, baby!
Not only will you get an intense feeling of self-satisfaction and a sense of mental enlargement, but as well you will feel true. True to yourself, the person you are ripping, and the community in which the ripping is taking place.
It’s normal (and healthy) for human beings to give and receive love just as it is normal (and healthy) for them to give and receive detestation. We need both ends of the spectrum in our repertoire in order to be complete, well-rounded individuals.
However, the masses here have failed to forget that criticism is an imminent part of our society—and Bleacher Report comment threads. Remember that not everybody will think that your latest was your greatest.
Additionally, it is human nature to disagree with another, and even more so when you are dealing with the adversary (who just might be the writer right behind you in “Pick of the Day” votes).
All you can do is either be the nice guy and play diplomat, or, as you should, let your inner Jerry Springer spring out of you in the form of lingo lashing!
And so my fellow Americans:
I feel it is our patriotic duty to set forth and create this totally unnecessary atmosphere of resentment, not so much because we should, but because we can.
And with that, I say, let the ripping commence!
Taylor J. Rummel is a writer on Bleacher Report who is in no way, shape, or form associated with this article despite the ridiculous notion that he authored this piece.