Imagine for a second that you lived your entire life in Philadelphia.
One day, while walking down Broad street after a day in Center City, you bump into a beautiful young woman running to catch the next SEPTA bus home.
You excuse yourself politely, she smiles, and the next thing you know the two of you are having terrific conversation over a terrific dinner at Bookbinders.
There is an instant connection, and eventually the relationship become serious. So serious, that after only a few months, you realize this is the woman you wish to spend the rest of your life with.
Being the hopeless romantic, and sports fanatic that you are, you buy a ring for your sweetheart, and then purchase some tickets to Phillies game. You make some phone calls, and you are able to arrange for your marriage proposal to be posted on the scoreboard at Citizen's Bank Park.
It will be the perfect night, for the perfect beginning of a perfect life together.
The day of the game, you inform you sweetheart that you've just purchased baseball tickets for that night's game against the rival New York Mets. Since she already works in the city, she decides to meet you at the game in front of the Mike Schmidt statue.
Wow, she even knows who Mike Schmidt is.
The game begins at seven that night, so the two of you are to meet at six thirty. You arrive with ten minutes to spare, but after waiting you realize she's has yet to arrived. In fact the only woman close to you is some chick in a throwback Mitchell and Ness Gary Carter jersey. She turns around, smiles, and then you realize you've seen that smile before.
It's her. She's a Mets fan, a God-damn Mets fan. She's also a Giants fan, and a Rangers fan, and a Knicks fan. She's even a Red Bulls soccer fan. She grew up in Astoria, Queens and she's New York all the way. So much for happily ever after.
As the cost of living in New York City has sky-rocketed, New Yorkers have been transplanted all over the country. While they may be easy to spot at first, with their cursing, loud talking, and road rage, but these clever chameleons are usually able to blend in and adapt to their surroundings.
Until it comes to sports.
Using a few sports related tests beyond the simple "do you hate Boston or Philly" questions, you'll be able to easily find out if someone you love is a dreaded New York sports fan. Think of it a a sports-related game of "20 questions", because let's face it, nobody likes a mixed-sports marriage.
Here are a few simple questions to ask yourself about your loved one to see if the root for New York sports teams:
- Did they buy a Ford Fusion because they really believe Derek Jeter drives one?
- Have they been trying to come up with a nickname that will tie the term "Dirty Sanchez" to the Jets rookie quarterback?
- Do they think the Yankees would be better off without Alex Rodriguez?
- Do they think the Mets would be better off without Carlos Beltran?
- Did they used to hate, but now love Eli Manning and Tom Coughlin?
- Did they used to love, but now hate Tiki Barber and Jeremy Shockey?
- Have you ever heard them chant "1918" prior to 2004?
- Do they think John Starks was a better basketball player than Reggie Miller?
- Do they still call it Shea Stadium?
- Do they really believe LeBron is leaving Cleveland in 2010?
- Have they ever said the names Bucky Dent or Aaron Boone without adding a certain expletive as a middle name ?
- Do they think that there is only one hockey team in New York?
- Can they tell you which one's Mike and which one's "The Mad Dog"?
- When you talk about Kansas City Chief's running back Larry Johnson, do they respond with "That was one hell of a three he hit against Indiana in the 1999 playoffs"?
- Do they get mad when people refer to LaDainian Tomlinson as "LT"?
- Did they once love Bill Parcells, then hate him, then love him again, and currently hate him?
- Is he or she the only person you know who thinks Mark Messier was better than Wayne Gretzky?
- Have they ever asked anyone to stab Paul Pierce?
- Do they know that Chipper Jones' real name is Larry?
- Do they believe any or all of these players belong in their respective Halls of Fame: Gil Hodges, Elston Howard, Don Mattingly, Keyshawn Johnson, Amani Toomer, Mike Richter, Adam Graves, Vinny Testaverde, Keith Hernandez, Doc Gooden, John Starks, Larry Johnson, Charles Oakley, Drazen Petrovic, Ron Guidry, John Franco, Carl Banks, Howard Cross, Otis Anderson, Mark Gastineau, Tino Martinez, Bernie Williams?
Did you answer "yes" to any or all of these question? If so, then chances are, your loved one is New York sports fan.
Now the choice is yours, depending on where your allegences lie, this may be a workable situation for you.
However if you're an Eagles, Phillies, Red Sox, Celtics, Pacers, Patriots, Flyers, Orioles, Bruins, Dolphins, or Braves fan you may have a problem.
Better cancel that engagement party at Le Bec Fin.