SAN DIEGO, CA—After arduous months of preparation and patience, Bleacher Report writer Eric Gomez declared himself "ready for some football" on August 9th.
"I mean, in June I was 'kinda antsy' for some football, and last month I guess I was 'eager' for it, but today I can finally say I'm really ready for it. Bring it on," declared Gomez.
A lifelong football fan who follows his hometown San Diego Chargers, Gomez decided it was important to make the announcement amidst all the turbulence in his own sporting world.
"Let's face it, the Padres suck. Sure, we got some young guys in there who are showing promise but they're at least a year away. The Bulls lost Ben Gordon and now their backcourt is shot. And the Aztecs? I just heard Brady Hoke hasn't even signed a contract yet. I mean, what is that?" asked Gomez, who violently shook a passerby as he wondered aloud.
With intriguing headlines littering the news wires all summer leading up to the season, it's easy to see why the transition has been smooth for Gomez.
"It started with all that stuff about Brett Favre, the will he, won't he, I felt like I was watching Friends, or Scrubs, or any other sitcom in existence where there's a main character with a love interest who is also a main character. Then the stuff with Plaxico Burress. Man, it's like TMZ and Court TV merged with ESPN!" gushed Gomez.
"I especially like the way they inter-cut shots of Michael Vick running or passing with barking dogs or PETA protesters. Haha, hippies. You know, I'm all for the protection of innocent animals, but those guys are just begging to be ripped on every now and then.
"Hey, you can stop taking notes now. Those last three or so sentences were off the record," finalized Gomez. And no they weren't.
Rather than call a press conference or Twitter everyone in existence, Gomez decided that the best way to let the world know of his intentions to enjoy the sport this fall was by calling the legendary Hank Williams, Jr.
"It was easier than you would think. I just called Willie Nelson and asked for Hank's number. Oh, Willie? It's a long story. My grandma used to be a country music groupie. She claimed half or so of the songs where a woman leaves the singer and takes the dog are based on her. It's probably only about 35% or so. She exaggerates," claimed Gomez.
Williams, for his part, was completely surprised.
"At first I thought it was a prank call. I get 'em at least twice a month during the season. Usually morning show jocks or a drunken Al Michaels," he said.
"But this kid was actually serious. I told him, 'Man, I've been doing this Monday Night Football gig for decades now, and this is the first time anyone has ever really meant it.' It was beautiful," continued Williams.
"For a minute there, I thought of stopping. This was all I ever wanted. To get people truly ready for some football. And now, that I know that I really got through to someone, I'm at peace with myself. But then I remembered they pay me millions of dollars for about 18 four-to-five minute intervals of work in a year.
And that's what's really important," said Williams.