At an early age learning about US history was always an immense drag. State capitals, founding fathers, differences between Commonwealths and States, etc. but one just, one story always caught my attention and deterred me from drooling on my desk in fatigue. That was the story of Pennsylvania's founder William Penn.
Now apparently he was one of the earliest champions for freedom of religion and democracy in the colonies and also his frames of government for the state of Pennsylvania served as an inspiration for, you guessed it the US Constitution. His treaty (not conquest) with the Lenape Indians allowed him to create his utopia for all kinds of men to settle and celebrate their individual gods marks Penn as quite the hero, not to mention his founding of the city of Philadelphia as the central mark for his haven (I.E. Philadelphia is Latin for Brotherly Love). However here is where my appreciation of Billy stops.
High atop the pinnacle of city hall stands the top of the scornful menace on Philadelphia sports, holding a power stronger than Leon Stickle's blown offsides in 1980, stronger than Scott Stevens' shoulder, and Joe Carter's bat, more disruptive than the hands of Aeneas Williams, Ronde Barber, Ricky Manning Jr., and Rodney Harrison, as a matter of fact William Penn's of love for Philadelphia sports is more absent than Eric Lindros' Cerebrospinal Fluid. Yeah It's that bad.
What did us as Philadelphian sports fans do to invoke his terrible wrath? Simple we built a building too high. Yes, that's it William Penn is that petty.
There used to be an ordinance that no building would exceed the height of 584 feet which was the top of William Penn's hat located on the top of his statue on city hall. This was observed and respected as the 70's and early 80's marked the height of Philadelphia sports success, a success that came spiraling downward in 1987 with the construction of One Liberty Place.
With the creation of One Liberty place which dwarfed Penn by a a total of 300 feet a drought of twenty-one long years ensued. Starting with the Flyers loss to the Edmonton Oilers in 1987 continuing on to the over- privileged stick of Sidney Crosby in 2008.
It's been a long 21 years, and in all honesty this is probably just a terrible superstition but it's hard to turn down the raw fact that Quakers are all very scornful people... Just look at the face on the Oatmeal, it's the face of 1,448,394 antagonized fans.
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4 months ago
I apologize i did not intend to publish this article twice
4 months ago
This article was fantastic... I actually just read a book about William Penn, what a coincidence!
4 months ago
Oh, and I am stunned that there was EVER a law about his hat being the highest point in the city. I mean, that's just ridiculous. What if there were legitimate economic reasons for building a taller building, but his silly hat prevented it?
William Penn has been playing some mean hat tricks on you guys.
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