Marty Turco, No More Clichés: New Expressions for Brink-of-Elimination Games

I cringed and suffered a wave of sincere disappointment after game three of the Dallas/Detroit playoff series.

Not because the Stars lost, (though that WAS a shame). It was because I heard Marty Turco utter the phrase, “Our backs are against the wall.” 

My eyes immediately rolled back into my empty skull and I almost hit a thermo-nuclear weapon driving close to me in the next lane. This careless use of a cliché had almost cost a human life. And it can’t be the first time! 

We’ve all gotten used to the inevitable clichés that get slung around like poop in a chimp cage during the playoffs, but I think it may be time to try some new material. Here are few suggestions: 

To replace “our backs are against the wall,” players could say:

“Our asses are starting to feel brick” 

Or, rather than the tired “ it’s do or die” response, they could try: “If we lose tonight it’s Brokeback Mountain.” 

Here are some more options:

• We’re Desperate as Housewives now.
• It’s time to stop eating the blowfish.
• If we don’t find a restroom soon,we’re gonna need new pants.
• It’s last call and we ain’t drunk yet. 
• I hope we can find the frickin' Immunity Idol. 
• Now’s the time to pull up our skates. 
• This is our chance to put the crack-pipe down.
• We’re about to miss the train to Winsburgh.
• It’s Sudafed time, Baby!

Hmmm…Never mind. Come to think of it, maybe the clichés are better.