The Top 10 Things I Want to See in the NBA Next Season

Note: I’m a Heat fan. And the list isn’t really in order of the things I want most. Except No. 1.

10: The introduction of Stephon Marbury at Madison Square Garden (if he's still in the NBA). Welcome home, Starbury.

9: Shaq’s new nickname. Sources sayt his new nickname will be "Shaqalier." Personally, I think "Shaqueen" will work better to please King James.

8: The Slam Dunk Competition. LeBron will participate after much hubbub about a lack of star power at the event. I have a suggestion for him: Dunking on a 13-foot rim (which he had said he can do), wearing a crown and a robe. After the dunk, he should hold on to the rim until his Shaqueen brings the throne to drop onto. Props, humor, and a little touch of athleticism: ingredients of a 10-scoring-dunk.

7: Kobe and Artest playing on the same team. I actually can picture the two literally brawling to get the ball, resulting in Artest’s suspension which he begs to last exactly 37 weeks to commemorate Michael, Michael.  

6: Ricky Rubio. Is he really that good or are we just hearing that because he speaks with a foreign accent and he’s the only handsome NBA player?

5: Mark Cuban losing the lawsuit and going to jail. I would love to hear (actually read) him Tweet from prison. 

4: Scarlett Johansson and Rachel McAdams and Hermione all in the floor seats during every Miami Heat game.

3: The heart-warming stories. Livingston’s comeback and some anonymous donor paying Antoine Walker’s casino debt (and bail).

2: The 2010 summer offseason. The after-party is the one you want to attend, remember?

1: Opening tip of the first game. The only thing a true NBA fan can wish for.