Now that Mets fans have pretty much gone through the stages of grief for this season—anger, rage, denial, anger again, sniffing glue, laughter (well, that might have been from watching an episode of Coach), more rage, more denial and, finally, acceptance that this team can’t even walk down the dugout steps without injuring themselves—here are 10 Mets related things to do the rest of the summer without actually watching this putrid team.
1. Read the box scores from 1986 on retrosheet.org every morning instead of this season’s. You’ll like what you see a lot better.
2. Brush up on your Mets history by reading Peter Golenbock’s Amazin’: The Miraculous History of New York’s Most Beloved Baseball Team. It may get a few dates wrong and have some inaccuracies, but you’ll learn everything there is to know about your favorite team.
3. Bone up on obscure Mets like Joe Christopher, Hawk Taylor, Dave Marshall, Dave Schneck, Bill Sudakis, Pepe Mangual, Rick Sweet, Lou Thornton and Andy Tomberlin. Dazzle fellow met fans with tidbits like, “Did you know that Dave Marshall had a .402 slugging percentage in 1970?” You’ll be the envy of all your friends. And you can use this surefire pick-up line when trying to meet new girls: “Want to know all about Dave Schneck?”
4. Play Strat-O-Matic baseball on sportingnews.com and draft as many Mets as you can. There’s a 1970’s version, 1980’s, 1969, 1986, 2008 and all-time greats.
5. Purchase the vintage MLB-Vintage-World-Films-York/dp/B000H0M3VC/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1249480746&sr=1-2">1969 and 1986 World Series films on DVD and all your troubles will melt away.
6. Dig out all your old Mets baseball cards and stare at them until they come to life. Play an imaginary season in your head, and they’ll end up with a better record than this year’s team and no one will get injured.
7. Sing “Meet the Mets” over and over again until you drive yourself insane, thereby forgetting all about this debacle of a season.
8. Watch each game with the sound down and pretend you’re Keith Hernandez calling the game. Glue on your fake mustache, and you can mention what you’ll be having for dinner after the game, tell Lou Brock stories and oocasionally state that you weren’t paying attention.
9. Make your own Mr. Met costume and wear it to work every day until the season ends, proving that you’re still loyal to the Mets no matter how bad they are.
10. Officially change your name to Mookie and instantaneously see your life improve.