Top 10 Unknown "Truths" about Yankee Utility Infielder Cody Ransom

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Top 10 Unknown

Yankees infielder Cody Ransom has had a rather rough time in the Bronx. At 33 years old, he is far from a prospect, and fans are not willing to watch a player who struggled his entire career try to “figure it out” in New York.

 

Fans have ridden Ransom hard from the beginning of 2009, and countless jeers, screams, and negative gestures have been delivered in his general direction.

 

The Yankees Universe community on Twitter has been particularly harsh (yet clever) in coming up with many slogans, rhymes, and even songs to help to healthily release some of the anger and stress that his play generates.

 

In honor of this Twitter community, I have constructed a Top 10 list of facts a reader may or may not know about the much-maligned Yankee bench player.

 

Some may shock you, but others will help to explain more clearly the true roots of some of the economy's and the world’s biggest issues/mysteries.

Pull up a seat, and let’s get started. Here we go:

10. Eve did not commit Earth's first sin by succumbing to the wishes of Satan and eating the forbidden fruit. Cody Ransom did.

9. After experimenting with chemical warfare, plane hijacking, and suicide bombing...the terrorists created Cody Ransom.

8. Cody Ransom shares his birth date of Feb. 17 with Larry the Cable Guy, Paris Hilton, and Michael Jordan. Jordan later changed the date on his birth certificate after being cut from his high school basketball team so as to never again be associated with Ransom.

Things have gone swimmingly for Jordan ever since. The two who maintained their connection to Ransom? Not so much.

7. There was always an eighth plague of Revelation, but God tried to keep it quiet until a later date. He would later unleash it in the Bronx in 2008 as Cody Ransom.

6. Scientists have finally discovered the central cause of the Global Warming process. It has stemmed from steam rising out of the ears of Yankee fans across the globe at the mere sight of Cody Ransom.

5. Prior to joining the Yankees in 2008, Cody Ransom was far and away the No. 1 subprime mortgage lender in the United States.

4. On July 30, 2004, Cody Ransom took the day off from playing Giants baseball to attend the release party of M. Night Shyamalan’s The Village—which he helped direct.

Ransom left MLB for 2005 and 2006 in order to co-write Shyamalan’s next film Lady in the Water. It’s hard to believe Shyamalan had just created Signs and The Sixth Sense before Ransom’s arrival.      

3. "It's the End of the World as We Know It" was written by REM when Cody Ransom became old enough to play Little League baseball.

2. The Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame opened in Springfield, MA on Cody Ransom’s birthday in 1968. As a result, he spent all of his time training himself to jump as high as possible instead of practicing his baseball skills.

2009 Update: Ransom can dunk, but he cannot hit, field, or throw a baseball.

1. In 2002, an episode of South Park presented “psychic” John Edward with the award for “The Biggest [Blockhead] in the Universe.”

Edward later demanded a recount, and a corrected error in the ballot process ensured the passing of the award to its rightful owner: Cody Ransom.

 

Also seen at: Heartbeat of the Bronx

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