If Coaches Could Twitter...

Twitter is a sensation. We can’t stop talking about. We chat to each other about uninteresting things and pass on links to articles that we’re SURE someone will like.

If we gain a follower, we feel happier. It's a boost to our fragile egos. It's nice to know we have friends—even those we'll never meet.

Well, college football coaches are the same. If they get a recruit, they are incredibly happy. If they lose one, it’s bedlam. The program's going to hell in a hand basket, and they have to shoulder the blame.

Imagine if a college football coach could Twitter anything they wanted.

Well, don't look now, but the VFA has some inspiration for them.

Here’s the list:


@Meyer: I'll put this one out there—Charleston Southern are a great football team—Joe Paterno told me.

@Kiffin: The team's going to play like I talk to Urban Meyer. Angry.

@Pellini: No defense, no black shirts. Do I have to get any angrier? The steam out of my ears says NO!

Joe Paterno doesn’t know what Twitter is, let alone email and computers. He just wants to remind you that whoever PSU plays, they are always a great football team. Credit where credit's due, eh?

@Tressel: We love BCS bowl games. Oh, wait a minute…How do you 'Untwitter' again?

@Carroll: Go! USC! Fight! Can’t! Stop! Writing! In! Exclamation! Points!

@Zook: This is my 4722nd Twitter today. And Juice Williams for Heisman! Yes, really.

@Spurrier: We’ve just recruited a big O-Line. That’s four big cocks! Now we need a quarterback!

@Tebow: Why in the heck is everyone so interested in whether I'm a virgin? Does nothing remain private anymore? Jeez...

@McCoy: I play quarterback too.

@Bradford: I play quarterback too.

@EveryotherDIQBThanTebow: We play quarterback too.

@Weis: Remember this: We beat Hawaii! Who says my coaching career at ND has been a failure, huh?

@Corso: Not so fast, my friend…

@Herbstreit: The great thing is about Tebow, is that I’m in love with him. And Colt. And Sam.

@Fowler: Great. We’re in Florida again. In September. In 400 degree humidity. Anyone got a new shirt? And a college stadium we HAVEN'T visited?

@ESPNCFBLIVE: Big recruiting news out of heaven – God’s just said that Jesus is no longer his quarterback – Tim Tebow is.

@Rodriguez: It’s not yellow, it’s maize. Michigan will be back. When? I dunno…

@Holtz: Notre Dame=National Champs 2010.

@MarkMay: Notre Dame=National Chumps 2010.

@Stoops: Who says the BCS sucks? I'm a fan!

@Oklahoma State: I AM A MAN!

@Richt: We play as badly as we did against Florida last year, and the dog goes quarterback.

@Sherman: Forget the 12th man. I need 11 good ones on the field every week. Right now, I have one(ish).

@NittanyLion: Everybody talks about the ‘Thriller’ I did, but has anyone talked about my version of ‘Smooth Criminal’? I don’t think so!

@Autzen Stadium: Losing hearing…What did you say again?

@Chizik: Great decision for me to Auburn. Not sure the Tigers fans feel the same—especially the guy who's burning my car right now…

@Saban: Why does everybody hate me?

@Davis: Is it because it's not basketball that no-one cares about the Powder Blue?

@Bowden: Dadgummit! Gimme me my wins back!

@Brown: Who cares if we beat OU this year? We’ll probably lose to Oklahoma State anyway!