Fantasy Biscuits: The Ugly Truth For The Upcoming NFL Fantasy Season

Jabber HeadSenior Analyst IAugust 1, 2009

Every year, there are sleepers and there are busts in the world of Fantasy Football.

Braylon Edwards forgets how to catch, Shaun Alexander isn’t running behind Steve Hutchinson, DeAngelo Williams remembers he is a football player, and so on and so forth.

The following list of facts (hence they have no basis, only theories need those,these are facts) will help you win your league this upcoming season. They may make you a rich individual if you let them and this same list is also free to you, The Jabberhead.

1. Pierre Thomas will be a top 10 Fantasy Running Back this season (Pierre Thomas scores enough points in a Standard one point for 10 yards and six points for a TD league).

2. Anthony Gonzalez will be a top 10 Fantasy Wide Receiver this season (Anthony Gonzalez scores enough points in a Standard one point for 10 yards and six points for a TD league).

3. Braylon Edwards will not remember how to catch this season (Braylon Edwards numbers this season are not greater than last season).

4. The Lions will win more football games this season than they did last season, but still pick in the top three of the NFL Draft next year (Detroit at least wins one game but is still one of the three worst teams by record).

5. Tony Gonzalez should have stayed in Kansas City if he wanted to make the playoffs this season (Either Atlanta doesn’t make the playoffs or Kansas City does).

6. Laveranues Coles will prove this season that he is a better wide receiver than T.J Houshmandzadeh (Coles has more Fantasy Points than TJ).

7. Mike Singletary can’t win with a player like Vernon Davis, but on the other hand, with Bear Pascoe, he can (Bear Pascoe starts by Week 10).

8. Seattle will wish they had drafted a running back this season (Seahawks will be in last place in rushing yards this season).

9. Jon Kitna will throw for more touchdowns than Tony Romo (as stated).

AND Finally..

10. Rex Grossman will have another chance to win a Super Bowl Ring this year (Texans win the AFC Championship).

I feel bad if you disagree with these facts, but if you do, please realize that they are facts and you would be incorrect to disagree with them. I know there will still be non-believers, so I challenge you to a little wager.

If you take my wager, and five or more of these (in the parentheses) are indeed facts, than a nice signature addition stating “Owned by Oblong Biscuits” will be awarded to you. If, by some miracle, less than five of these aren’t proven by the end of the season, then a signature addition will be awarded to you stating “I owned Oblong Biscuits.”

So step right up and take my wager, or better yet, use these facts to make yourselves very successful this up and coming NFL Season.