Let's Just Say He Was Not Notre Dame's Whiz Kid

Tony GuadagnoliContributor IJuly 31, 2009

SOUTH BEND, IN - SEPTEMBER 13: Head coach Charlie Weis of the Notre Dame Fighting Irish looks on during the final seconds of their 35-17 victory over the Michigan Wolverines on September 13, 2008 at Notre Dame Stadium in South Bend, Indiana.  (Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images)

Lordy be! Did you see the headline out of South Bend, Ind?

Nah, nothing to do with Hawaii coach Greg McMackin's homosexual slur against Notre Dame. Not even news that Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis had no comment about McMackin's reference to a little "dance" before last year's Hawaii Bowl.

This news was stunning and hurtful.

To wit, in the South Bend Tribune: "Man accidentally shoots leg while urinating in South Bend alley."

Truly there are bigger idiots in South Bend than we previously thought. You can't make this stuff up.

According to the newspaper report, apparently a 21-year-old man had stopped in an alley  "just before 3:30 a.m., when his gun accidentally discharged."

Um, this gives a whole new meaning to the term whizbang, or as a commenter named LeftyK said: "Let's see...public indecency...public ridicule....and now a limp...that is a bad night."

The report further stated: "The man, who has a permit to carry the gun, took himself to the hospital, where police were called.

"Police say the gun was apparently in the man’s pocket, as there was no bullet hole on the outside of his jeans.

"The bullet went through the man's upper thigh and exited below his knee. The injury is not expected to be life-threatening."

So, other than to be totally embarrassed and possible having to leave the state of Indiana, the man is expected to get over this. Imagine the nice greeting he will get on his next visit with friends or co-workers. "Hey guy, is that a gun in your pocket or are you just ...no, no—it's a gun."

Or a quick explanation to the girlfriend or wife from the hospital. "Hey, honey, yes it's me. I'm at the hospital and I, well...you won't believe what happened. It's kinda funny really."

In a dozen years or so, he will have a very interesting little tale to tell when friends start reminiscing about dumb things they've done.

"Well, I have one. Um, yeah...so one night I was going to work, yeah really I was just going to work at 3:30 in the morning, no drinking involved or anything like that.

Anyway, I was in a hurry and I had to go to the bathroom, see. But there were no public restrooms around, see. So I had to go really bad and I went into this alley and I unzipped my fly and you know was relieving myself and yeah, sometimes you just gotta go.

Yeah, yeah, but that's not the best part of the story. Anyway I kinda forgot I was carrying a loaded weapon. Yeah, really, a real loaded weapon. What? It was legal...Anyway, I... well, let's just say that almost peeing myself was not my biggest problem."

Note to self: Gun is in holster, thing that is not a gun is not in holster.

Back to your regularly scheduled football madness.