My Tennis Community Leader Concession Speech (Humor)

Robert OrzechowskiAnalyst IJuly 29, 2009

AUGUSTA, GA - APRIL 08:  Masters potato chips sit on a concession stand during a practice round prior to the 2009 Masters Tournament at Augusta National Golf Club on April 8, 2009 in Augusta, Georgia.  (Photo by Harry How/Getty Images)

Ladies and Gentleman, writers, Bleacher Report executives,

I wish to thank you all for this marvelous experience of running for the Tennis division Community Leader.  Herein, I will refer to it as the CL. 

Of course it was a fun time and the only thing that could have topped it was if I, in fact, "knew" I was running for it. 

The CL position within the Bleacher Report is a highly respectable post that anyone of great ambition, pride in writing would strive for—provided they "knew" it even existed. 

I myself thought it was an abbreviation for a certain board game called "Clue".  I kept thinking everyone was going to discuss Professor Plum with the rope in the conservatory.

I had hoped this would be a contest that none of you would ever forget, but that is asking a lot because I, myself as a contender cannot recall too much about anything regarding this campaign. 

I need to thank the paid executives of Bleacher Report for completely keeping me in the dark about my candicacy, as well as their identities. Of course, if they still plan on electing me—job well done!

I must say a few words about the outgoing leader Long John Silver.  I want to join the cast of characters on Bleacher's Report in eulogizing LJ like he has just passed away.  There is nothing like receiving a eulogy when your carcass is still very much alive.

I like LJ and really never had a problem with him. His articles were articulate and well expressed even when he was downright wrong. I think LJ should be congratulated for being the first non-aboriginal Aussie to hold the post for CL. 

LJS continues to be ranked number one in tennis writing at B/R.  When I asked about the secret of his success, basically he told me not to be a one-trick pony.  "Now let me get back to my 50th article on Leyton Hewitt", he said. 

I would like to wish [insert CL winner here] on his/her election to the post.  I am sure [insert CL winner here] will foster care and consideration to all the writers in the small tennis community, encouraging great masterpieces and lightly urinating on those who write trash.

Finally, I would like to thank God for whom, this all would not be possible.  His work (based on the Darwinian model) billions and billions of years ago has finally come into fruition as we see [insert CL winner here] starts his/her important mandate as CL. 

I am sure you will all join me in wishing [insert CL winner here] in a long career which will not result in our impending apocalypse. That of course will be duly avoided upon further God.

I look forward to seeing you all again at the conclusion, abdication, firing and/or mutiny of [insert CL winner here]. 


Robert Orzechowski