A Letter from the National League to the American League

Chris MurphyAnalyst IJuly 27, 2009

TORONTO - APRIL 6:  Roy Halladay #32 of the Toronto Blue Jays throws a pitch against the Detroit Tigers during their MLB game at the Rogers Centre April 6, 2009 in Toronto, Ontario.(Photo By Dave Sandford/Getty Images)

Dear American League,

Well, it's been a little more than a month and I still haven't heard back from you since I wrote to you before the All-Star break. 

That's cool, I've been busy too... 

Congrats on winning the All-Star game by the way.  I still can't believe Crawford made that catch.  

Okay, seriously, American League, why do you have to do this to me?

Why am I hearing that you are going to send Roy Halladay my way?  Not cool, man, not cool.  

What do you expect me do with him?  You can barely score runs off him, what am I going to do?   

It is bad enough you sent Matt Holliday back this way after he changed his swing and was somewhat hitting you.  Even that runt Julio Lugo is giving me problems.  Juan Uribe is still batting .284 against me! Juan f!@#!@ing Uribe! 

If you take Adam Dunn from me then I'm going to lose it.  That would be cold-blooded, AL, and you know it.  Don't think I didn't hear the rumor that you knew Manny Ramirez had taken roids before letting me re-sign him.  Yeah, Peter Gammons sends me stuff too, you jackass.

What happened to us, bra?  We used to be cool and spread talent evenly, but now I can't keep up with you.  Worst of all is you send me your good players who then embarrass me for half a season.  And don't think I don't see you trying to avoid me at the Hall of Fame inductions, you jerk.     

The Cubs, Dodgers, and Mets try to spend as much as the Red Sox, Yankees, and Angels, so the problem isn't with you guys stealing all the free agents.  We just overpay the wrong ones I guess, which is why I'm mailing letters to you. 

Who the hell mails letters anymore?   

Just remember, although you have four or five better teams, we each get one team in the World Series.  See you then, you rat bastard.  


National League