Copying Off of Bill Simmons: Diary for Game One of White Sox Doubleheader

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Copying Off of Bill Simmons: Diary for Game One of White Sox Doubleheader
(Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images)

Today begins an extremely tough 13-game stretch for the White Sox in which they play four in Detroit, three in Minnesota, and then come home for three against the New York Yankees and three against the Los Angeles Angels

They come into today tied for first in the American League Central with the Detroit Tigers, whom they start a four-game series with, including a doubleheader, this afternoon.

Since I have some interesting things going through my head while watching White Sox games by myself, I decided to document it.

12:51 - Yep, I'm nearly an hour late.  I was busy doing my slave labor editing articles for The Bleacher Report, including some awesome ones about wrestling.  I miss the days of being obsessed with wrestling.

Anywho, we haven't missed a thing except Verlander throwing a lot of pitches, and I'm sure Hawk Harrelson complaining about some balls and strikes.  It is the bottom of the third and we are tied at 0. 

12:54 - Ratty Adam Everett, whom everyone but the White Sox knows how to get out, gets into third on a base hit by Curtis Granderson.  One out.

12:55 - Horrible throw by Jermaine Dye.  Everett scores on a sac fly. 1-0 Tigers.  Steve Stone doesn't understand why Granderson did not go into second on the throw. He seems to forget that Granderson will waltz into second on A.J. Pierzynski and Jose Contreras.

12:57 - Granderson steals second.

12:58 - Contreras gets Clete Thomas, one of the greatest names in baseball, to fly out. 1-0 Tigers after three.

12:59 - I would rather stab my eyes out than watch the Luna Carpet commercial. Freeee floooring.

1:00 - Miguel Cabrera makes a diving stab on Pierzynski, but throws it away.  Sox have stranded five runners, will they strand another? 

1:02 - It is really hard to do this without DVR.  I really need to move out of my parents' house. 

1:03 - I just realized Scott Podsednik is not playing.  I picked him up on a fantasy team solely for this doubleheader. 

1:03 - Hard hit double by Carlos Quentin.  Haven't seen that in awhile.  Men on second and third with no one out for Chris Getz.  Verlander has thrown more than 50 pitches with no outs in the fourth.

1:04 - Hawk doesn't appreciate a call and tells Getz to play pepper with the ball.

1:05 - Getz plays salt and pops up in the infield.  Runners don't budge.

1:06 - Gordon Beckham up.  Fantasy team (said in high-pitched voice).  He looks a lot like John Cena.

1:07 - Sac fly for Beckham and my fantasy team (the Feces-Throwing Apes), Pierzynski scores.  Quentin moves into third on the throw. 1-1.

1:08 - Dewayne Wise still has a piece of the center field wall on his face from last night.  (I have four text messages I haven't checked because the parents don't have DVR, so I can't stop typing...make that five text messages)

1:10 - Wise grounds out to Verlander. 1-1 going into the bottom of the fourth. 

 

1:11 - Three of my text messages were the same thing because my friend is mentally challenged.  Learn to use technology, Westy.  Don't you have a Blackberry?  Nothing hurts the ego more than when you hear your phone go off many times and it's the same message over and over.  John feels Thome's 0-for-11 slump with six strikeouts (five in his last six at bats) is because he hasn't been playing consistently.  That is a good analysis and a good point.  Thanks John, I'm sure you're reading this at work right now.   Pat texted me about the Cardinals getting Matt Holliday and how that will not be the reason the Cubs lose the division, which is correct.  The Cubs will lose the division because of Geovany Soto and Alfonso Soriano (injuries happen to every team, so that is no excuse).  Their pitching is too good to lose that division, yet, they are trying as hard as they can to do so.      

1:12 - Cabrera got faaaaaat (flicks wrist).

1:13 - Shot double for Cabrera.  Quentin has such a girly arm for such a scary man.

1:14 - Either Comerica is just that big or the White Sox outfield is just that bad.  Cabrera got to third on a fly out to Wise off the bat of Carlos Guillen.

1:16 - The White Sox fielding is just that bad.  Ryan Raburn put a ball in between Getz, Paul Konerko, and Dye, and he got a double off of it.  2-1 Tigers. 

1:18 - Hawk goes on a tangent about Brandon Inge having an upside. He's 32.

1:19 - Raburn steals third off Contreras because Contreras thinks he is Greg Maddux and does not need to worry about runners stealing.  Pierzynski's high throw didn't help.

1:20 - Contreras hits Inge.  Contreras does everything annoying a pitcher can possibly do; he walks players, lets runners steal, throws wild pitches and hits batters.  Perfect pitcher for a running journal (diary is way too gay, Bill).

1:21 - I had high hopes for Gerald Laird for fantasy baseball since he was in such a good lineup.  He is batting .235.

1:22 - Laird grounds into a double play. 

1:25 - Clete Thomas makes a nice running grab off the bat of Alexei Ramirez. 

1:25 - "If he doesn't get that jump, he doesn't make the catch," - Genius defensive analysis by Hawk Harrelson.

1:26 - Dye hits another rocket that is caught.  White Sox are starting to hit Verlander hard.  Thome walks and Konerko grounds out.  2-1 Tigers halfway home.  

1:30 - My dad asks me for the third time if I will be home for dinner.  No, dad, I will be out drinking to forget that I'm 23, unemployed, and living with you.  The University of Illinois is on WIKIPEDIA when searching "journalism schools," and I'm blogging for free.  Tonight feels like a whiskey night.  

1:31 - I don't know whether to listen to Tim Allen and go to Michigan or Morgan Freeman and go to the Aquarium...on a Tuesday.

1:32 - This would be the inning where Contreras could implode.

1:33 - Contreras promptly strikes out the first two hitters.  This could be why I'm unemployed.

1:37 - Contreras strikes out the side.  Thanks, Jose, for making me look like a jackass. 

1:38 - Amstel Light commericial! BLACKHAWKS SCORE! DADA DUM DADA DUM DADADADA DUM (do you know how hard that is to sound out?)!

1:39 - First Bob Rohrrrrrrman sighting. 

1:41 - Pierzynski and Quentin try to out pop-up one another.  Hawk says the plate, pertaining to the strike zone, is wide. 

1:42 - Verlander does not get a strike three call, but Hawk says it was up.  Getz promptly strikes out on the next pitch.  Going to the bottom of the sixth.

1:43 - Do car commercials really persuade people to buy cars?  

1:45 - This could be the inning where Contreras implodes.

1:46 - 1-2-3 inning for Contreras.

1:49 - "Beckham you're a bum, " yells a Tiger fan from the crowd.  I stand up from my chair as if I'm going to actually do something about it.  You do not mock his Highness. 

1:50 - Beckham strikes out.

1:51 - Another quick inning for Verlander; seven in a row retired.  Seventh-inning stretch, 2-1 Tigers. 

1:54 - This could be the inning where Contreras implodes.

1:55 - Contreras strikes out Brandon Inge after going down 3-0 for his eighth strikeout of the game.

1:56 - Double for Gerald Laird.  I could actually be right this inning.

1:57 - Ratty Adam Everrett hits a base hit just out of the reach of Chris Getz.  Wise with a bad throw home, 3-1 Tigers. 

2:01 - Granderson pops out.  Not sure why Everett hasn't stolen second yet. 

2:03 - Everett steals second.  Hawk says he's out before seeing the replay.  He did appear to be out.

2:04 - Bloop base hit, of course, by Placido Polanco.  4-1 Tigers.  

2:05 - Hawk begins complaining about the way umpires call close plays at bases involving slides.  

2:07 - Contreras' first walk of the game.  Here comes Octavio Dotel.  

2:11 - Dotel strikes out Cabrera.  "The blown call at second gives them another run," Hawk says beating around the bush.  Something tells me that won't be the last we hear about that call.

2:14 - Eight in a row retired by Verlander.

2:15 - Nine in a row retired by Verlander.

2:15 - Not a minute has gone by and Verlander got his tenth straight batter retired.  That was the heart of the White Sox order going down in two minutes.

2:18 - I text Ray, after arguing with him that Justin Verlander is better than Mark Buehrle this year, Verlander's ERA has now moved to a 3.15.  Ray responds with, "I wouldn't trade Colon for him."  You have to love our genius fans here in Chicago.

2:19 - Base hit for Carlos Guillen.  If he steals off the White Sox, I quit.

2:23 - Dotel will be sure to put this out of a save opportunity for Fernando Rodney, a fantasy player of mine.  Hey, if your team is going to lose, it might as well benefit you in fantasy.  The Sox have three hits, they don't deserve to win this game.

2:24 - Dotel almost throws a pitch-out away.  Just let them steal.

2:25 - Dotel throws the ball away trying to pick Raburn off.  Raburn gets into second.

2:27 - Inge hits a ground ball that seemed to excite Tigers fans, and then Alexei made them even more excited by picking up his 12th error of the season bobbling it.

2:30 - Laird puts down a squeeze bunt.  5-1 Tigers.  No save for my fantasy team and most likely a loss for the White Sox.  Definitely feels like a whiskey night.  Wait, there is one more game?  Bartolo Colon is pitching?  Okay, it feels like a gasoline night.

2:32 - 5-1 Tigers.  Heading to the ninth. 

2:34 - Verlander sent out to the ninth to try and pick up his third complete game of the season. 

2:34 - Sox actually get a hit.  Pierzynski hits a base hit at a pitch at his eyes.

2:35 - "Verlander is way better than you are," says a Tigers fan to Carlos Quentin.  You have to love the genius fans in Detroit.

2:36 - "Keep standing there like a fool," the same Tigers fan says as Quentin gets angry at the ball and hits a base hit.  Quentin has already found out that man's name and will soon rip off his arms and legs.

2:37 - Jim Leyland is sticking with Verlander.  Chris Getz hits a base hit.  Bases loaded with no outs.  

2:38 - Leyland leaves Verlander in to face Beckham.  God, he's a dreamboat.  Beckham that is, not Leyland...in the least bit.

2:39 - Beckham promptly grounds into a doubleplay, no runs scoring.  That hurts in so many ways for my fantasy team, which has Rodney and Beckham.

2:40 - Hawk says we are not done yet.

2:41 - Verlander hits 101 miles per hour on the gun on his 123rd pitch.  He is a beast.

2:42 - Now we are done.  Tigers win 5-1.

 

The White Sox had their opportunities to get to Verlander early, but they didn't.  The Sox had the bases loaded in the second, a lead-off double in the third, and men on second and third with no outs in the fourth but only scored one run in those innings while stranding six. 

Verlander threw 37 pitches combined in the fifth, sixth, seventh, and eighth.

Verlander was untouchable until the ninth when the White Sox loaded the bases with no outs and proceeded to score zero runs.  

The White Sox continued to show that they are the only team that cannot get Adam Everett or Placido Polanco out.

As of today, Adam Everett is batting .252 with two home runs, 28 RBI, and four stolen bases.  Against the White Sox Everett is 7-for-22 with one home run, five RBI, and a stolen base. 

Placido Polanco is currently batting .268 with seven home runs and 45 RBI.  Against the White Sox, Polanco is 10-for-31 with eight RBI. 

The White Sox are now one game back of the Detroit Tigers with Bartolo Colon on the mound tonight...the White Sox are soon to be two games back of the Detroit Tigers.

My mother just came home from work early and said I need to shave. She explained to me that "things change," and although I couldn't grow a beard before, maybe I can now.  I'm 23, and she just explained puberty to me.     

Someone else write a diary for game two of the doubleheader because I'm doubleheading to the bar.

 

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