(Disclaimer. This article may only be useful to people who are living in Denver, Bronco fans, unemployed, married, currently taking care of one or more kids, bored out of their mind, or on their third cup of espresso)
I am not a big fan of the summer. Even when I was younger I wasn't a huge fan of summer. It's hot. All your friends are away. You parents make you get a job, or be forced to do manual labor around the house. All TV shows are on repeat, or they are bogus test pilots, that nobody cares about. But most of all, THERE IS NO FOOTBALL NEWS. Actually, I want to correct that statement, THERE IS NO INTERESTING BRONCOS FOOTBALL NEWS.
I am more or less a football purist and believe that all other sports were made to keep the general public's minds off of football for a little while. With this in mind I have compiled a list, in no apparent order, of things to do while waiting for the preseason to start.
I myself am guilty of two of those infractions. To me, these guys are to Broncos fans as Tom Cruise is to paparazzi: Played Out. I don't care about speculation anymore. I want some real stuff to happen. Wins. Losses. Get on with it already.
2. Polish all of your vintage Broncos bobble head collection.
I don't actually own any bobble heads, but if I did, I assume they would need a couple hundred coats of en-dust about now.
3. Constantly stalk your Facebook page, trolling for news about friends you haven't seen in 15 years.
Although this is therapeutic, this just creates another unhealthy obsession. My mistress is the Broncos and should always stay that way. Sorry Facebook, you're just a summer love, like the XFL.
4. Create new inventions.
It's possible. We all have a little Albert Einstein in us. You think Sham WOW is a government conspiracy?? No! Some guy named Vince was sitting at home and he kept spilling his Diet Pepsi all over himself. Three rolls of Brawny later, Vince says to himself "There has to be a better way to soak up liquid". Viola! I myself am working on a time machine, so That I can go back in time and watch football, when the season ends. Preferably the 1997-1999 seasons.
5. Anxiously check your personal email account for two months, hoping that you get a call back from CBS Sports, only to find that they really didn't want fresh bloggers at all for the correspondent position, but old, boring, veteran writers who are bitter about their current writing careers.
I threw that one in there out of spite. It's pretty self explanatory. No Offense if you got the job.
I hope that this small list helps anyone with their Bronco anxieties. FOUR MORE WEEKS!!!!!! GO BRONCOS!!!!
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