For a while now, I have been watching wrestling and wondering what the hell is going on within the minds of half of these people.
After doing much research on the matter, I decided to take action in to my own hands. So what did I do?
I went on the Internet, typed in a few words and boom! I recieved my psychology degree from the online school of Stevie Richards!
A few hours later, I opened up a clinic for wrestlers, and first through my door? None other than Mick Foley!
Faced with the unenviable task of attempting to decipher the madness that is the Hardcore legend, I cracked on with my work.
This was the result and I warn you now, this wasn't pretty!
Dr. Hayley: Hello Mick. How would you like me to help you today?
Mick Foley: Yeah, it seems that over the past couple weeks, someone has been controlling my mind. Everytime I go to work, I get the urge to constantly tweak. I was in the shop and I wanted to tweak. I was in bed and I wanted to tweak. I tell you, my wife wasn't happy about that!
Dr. Hayley: I see.
Mick Foley: And then, suddenly, I'm walking down the street and something in my mind compelled me to tell everyone in the world about my 25 big ones. Have you seen my 25 big ones? 25 stitcheroonies, right there. (points to eye)
Dr. Hayley: Yes, I can see th-
Mick Foley: Well just making sure. Not many people seem to notice my 25 stitches. 25 big ones above my eye. Sure you've seen them? I wasn't sure I mentioned them.
Dr. Hayley: Yes you did.
Mick Foley: Are you sure?
Dr. Hayley: Is this all you want to talk about?!
Mick Foley: Sorry! Just wanted to be positive that you knew about my 25 big ones.
Dr. Hayley: OK. So let me get this straight. You think that something, or someone, is controlling your thoughts and actions?
Mick Foley: How did you know? Are you spying on me?
Dr. Hayley: No, it's just that these seem to be classic symptoms of SJS.
Mick Foley: Has it got anything to do with 25 big-
Dr. Hayley: NO! SJS is also known as 'Samoa Joe Syndrome'. It's where a person gets inside your head and makes you become an uncontrollable idiot, all on their advice.
Mick Foley: I know a guy called Samoa Joe! Not nice. He insulted me after I made him my special drink. I decided that instead of alcohol, I was gonna tweak it. Bish bash bosh! Five minutes later, I find out that he doesn't like cheesy Pina Coladas with a barbed wire bat umbrella.
Dr. Hayley: Yes, that's all very good, but now we have to find out who your adviser is. We need to find out who is controlling your feeble little mind. To do that, I'm going to have to sedate you with hypnotism. In this state, I can then explore your mind. Is that OK?
Mick Foley: OK. Fine by me.
(At this point, I pulled out a watch and it in front of his eyes, playing the sound of his awful promos to make him fall into an almost sleep-like state)
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