Monday night I was coerced into watching an episode of MTV's "The Hills". I don't actually know what this show is about, but I can tell you four things about it:
1. It was filled with the most ridiculous drama. Who knew there could be so much stress involved in tanning?
2. There was no point, kind of like if "Seinfeld" was set in Hollywood and completely lacked humor.
3. I have watched more exciting Catholic masses on late-night T.V.
4. I would rather watch more of "The Hills" than hear anymore Roger Clemens drama.
Every time I hear Clemens has denied anything "vehemently" or "flatly" or whatever adjective his PR people have chosen to describe his denial that given day, it convinces me more and more that he is guilty of whatever he is denying. Maybe if Clemens would just come out for once and say he's innocent rather than turning his denial into a three-ring circus, he would be a little more beleivable. Remember when Rafael Palmeiro shook his finger at members of Congress and proclaimed boldly that he had never used steroids mere months before failing a drug test for steroids? That's what I think of every time Clemens "flatly" denies anything.
While I'm on the subject of denials, kudos to the construction worker who buried a David Ortiz jersey in the concrete underneath the visiting clubhouse at the new Yankee Stadium. You caused the Yankee camp to issue their own denial that any such thing had happened, then less than a week later tear up the very concrete you helped lay only to find that there was in fact a Sox jersey buried in it. George Steinbrenner was finally given a problem that could not be blamed on Joe Torre. Next time I would wait until the stadium is finished before you let the world know that you have cursed the stadium's tennant. Hmm, a Red Sox jersey was burried at new Yankee Stadium and Giants Stadium is supposedly the home of Jimmy Hoffa's grave. Maybe when Shea Stadium is demolished we will finally find the Holy Grail.
Lost in the shuffle of what I like to refer to as "The Roger Clemens Saga" (or "RCS"), is the fact that last year he was the most overpaid baseball player not named Barry Zito. With Clemens out of the picture, Zito is the sole owner of the title (though Kansas City's Jose Guillen, who is only batting .165 on the season, may be a very close second). Zito returned to the rotation when the Giants faced the Pirates Wednesday night, falling to 0-7 on the season. Zito, who looked like he showed up at PNC Park straight from the original Woodstock, gave a performance slightly less rough than his physical appearance.
Actually, in all fairness to Zito, I can think of an entire 25-man roster that, as a collective group, may be more overpaid than he is- the Detroit Tigers. Detroit travels to Kansas City next week for a 3-game series that may be crucial in deciding last place in the volatile AL Central. The Minnesota Twins currently lead the division, but no team has lead the division for more than a few days at a time all season. While no team seems to want to step up and take charge of an increasingly apathetic collection of clubs, having a team stake their claim to last-place may go a long way in helping decide a division favorite. But while I wait for something to happen in the AL Central, I should have enough RCS to keep me entertained. And if not that, then "The Hills". I think there's a new episode on Monday.