10 Signs Your MLB Team Isn't Headed To The Playoffs

Will HowardCorrespondent IJuly 13, 2009

I'm posting this as an article. I did this on the February 15, 2008 version of my myspace.com blog.

I have updated it for today's standards and even threw in some new quips to make it sound a bit more on the funny side, as I'm posing it as a humor article, and not just a "I think the Orioles stink" article.


10) Your team puts an add for a shortstop up on Monster.com

9) In order to save money, rather than spend money in the free agent market, the fight fielder position is occupied by the guy who was selling peanuts last season.

8) Your game average for fans is equal to the number of RBI your trio of outfielders net for an entire season. 10,000 empty seats just doesn't mean your team is good.

7) Your team stars on a new reality show where America votes out members of your starting rotation.

6) You're star hitter's batting average is only slightly higher than his blood alcohol level during a recent arrest for speeding.

5) Your team's idea of stealing a base is groping a prostitute after she's passed out from roofies.

4) Rather than giveaways during promotional games, the team has a "one lucky fan will play third base" night.

3) When trying to pull off a trade, the only offers you receive are for your bat boy because of his cool new haircut or that stripper that your manager has been sleeping with.

2) You recently fire your GM for a string of bad moves. A few weeks later you see him again leading another last place team, this time as store manager of a Wendy's.

And the No. 1 Sign that your team won't be in the playoff is...When asked about his game-winning hit last night, your catcher responds..."It's not my fault my wife wouldn't shut up!"