No More Ronaldo: So Who Are We Supposed to Hate Now?
Cristiano Ronaldo has finally completed the most tedious transfer in football history and joined Real Madrid.
This leaves quite a gaping hole in the English league.
Yes, some will miss his goals, his tricks, and attacking play, but the Premiership still has plenty of players to provide these things. Torres, Fabregas, Rooney, and Robinho, to name just a few.
What I’m talking about is something far more important to the English fan…Who the hell are we supposed to hate most now?
Since his arrival, Ronaldo was a figure of fun for opposition fan. His stupid red bangs, his over exaggerated step overs, and the fact that at first, let's face it, he was fairly shit.
As he got better, the fun turned to hate. Getting his “friend” Wayne Rooney sent off in a World Cup didn’t help matters, but we also learnt to truly hate his whining, petulance, diving, and overall attitude.
Now he is gone, who will take his place? I would like to offer my own five personal choices.
1- Nani. Let's look at the reasons...He is Portugese, he is a winger, he is a bit whiny, and he likes to fall down a lot.
Nani is surely the natural replacement for Ronaldo…. There is one problem however. Even Manchester United fans would agree that Nani is, well he is a bit shit.
If he actually gets a game for United this season, he could be a top contender. However the most likely scenario is that Nani continues his current role as the most hated player in the Northern Reserve League.
2 – Phil Brown. The Hull City manager was fairly well liked at one point last season. Brave Brown and his Hull heroes were making waves in the Premiership, and upsetting the big boys, to the neutrals delight.
Then something happened...
Brown seemed to start believing his hype. He disappeared up his own backside and what came out was the perma-tanned, lying, arrogant, egotistical person we have now.
Whether it be for him claiming he is good enough to manage England, accusing Fabregas of spitting and acting like a hooligan for daring to celebrate a teammates' victory, or his awful Beach Boys rendition at the end of the season (you tube it if you haven’t seen it), Brown is a real contender.
3 – Didier Drogba. “Its a f***ing disgrace” apparantly. No Didier, what is a disgrace is the fact despite being a very powerfully built athlete, you can’t seem to stay on your feet under the most miniscule of challenges. Drogba’s little diving competition a few years ago with Jens Lehmann was one of the most shameful things I have ever seen. Despite occasionally breathtaking performances, Drogba is still a scumbag.
4 – Michael Owen. The hatred that could be aimed at Owen from Liverpool fans alone could make Owen a very hated man…. Joining the enemy is something that doesn’t really happen. This Liverpool/United game at Anfield this season has just been made that little bit more interesting… If he is fit of course.
5 – Ashley Cole. My own personal favourite. Ashley Cole doesn’t do himself any favours. For a start he goes and proves what a greedy bastard he is by making the following comments in his autobiography:
“When I heard Jonathan repeat the figure of £55k, I nearly swerved off the road. “He is taking the piss, Jonathan!” I yelled down the phone. I was so incensed. I was trembling with anger. I couldn’t believe what I’d heard”
Yes, that's right. Cole was furious when “only” being offered 55,000 pounds a week to kick a football about…He later described the offer as “tantamount to slavery”. Global Recession? What global recession?!
If this isn’t bad enough. Mr Cole also decided to go and cheat on his wife.
Bastard. Bastard. Bastard.
So there you have it. Five real contenders to take Ronaldo’s crown. I’m sure many more players will be added to the list as the season goes on….
And there is always Gary Neville……..
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