Brett Favre Vs. Tarvaris Jackson: Do the Math (Satire)
The Minnesota Vikings have been in talks with Brett Favre, former Green Bay Packers and New York Jets quarterback, to take over the reigns of their offense. But the question remains: Would the 38-year-old gunslinger really be an improvement over current QB Tarvaris Jackson?
As any student of the game will tell you, there is only one plausible way to find out.
Do the math.
So, let's get to it.
1. Brett Favre will be going to the Pro Football Hall of Fame.
Tarvaris Jackson has been to the Pro Football Hall of Fame.
2. Tarvaris Jackson is a person of color. He is African-American.
Brett Favre is also a person of color. He is a redneck.
3. Brett Favre has an "R" in his name that should come before the "V".
Tarvaris Jackson has an "R" in his name that should NOT come before the "V".
4. Tarvaris Jackson enjoys the affections of many attractive young ladies.
Brett Favre enjoys the affections of retired sportscaster John Madden.
5. Brett Favre has played his whole pro career without a small intestine.
Tarvaris Jackson has played his whole pro career without a spine.
6. Tarvaris Jackson has been hated by Green Bay Packers fans for two years.
Brett Favre: ditto.
7. Brett Favre once had a role in a movie featuring the nutty Cameron Diaz.
Tarvaris Jackson once had a roll in a coffee shop featuring a nutty maple icing.
8. Tarvaris Jackson has trouble reading defenses and sometimes throws into triple
Brett Favre has no trouble reading defenses and sometimes throws into triple
So there you have it. The numbers do not lie.
If you add it all up, you can come to only one conclusion. There is only one person perfectly suited to be the Minnesota Vikings quarterback for the upcoming 2009 season.
And that person is Sage Rosenfels.
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