Saturday the 13th: Florida's 2009 Non-Conference Schedule

(Photo by Andy Lyons/Getty Images)

It's a tough task to analyze Florida’s upcoming 2009 season without coming to the same conclusion as everyone else: Florida should dominate everyone en route to at least a National Championship game appearance.

The Gators are more loaded than John Daly at a NASCAR race, and will more than likely fulfill their destiny as one of the greatest teams of our generation. With a favorable schedule, Florida has an easier path to travel than in years past, which is highlighted by a slate of weak, out-of-conference games.

The four non-SEC teams that will challenge Florida are much like a group of teens found in any horror movie. They may put up a fight, but just when you think they have overcome the killer, a spear is driven through their back and you are out of popcorn.

Charleston Southern: 9/5/09—The Early Blond Sacrifice

Sweet little Charleston Southern finds itself home alone in a cabin by the lake, while their boyfriend just drove to town to get some beer. There is nowhere to hide; this one is over before the first whistle.

Charleston Southern is not even a top tier Football Championship Subdivision (FCS) team, picked near the bottom of the Big South Conference. The lone bright spot is potential All-FCS defensive back Phillip Ashley. Gator quarterback Tim Tebow may have to be aware of Ashley roaming the secondary, but he won’t change the game plan. While on offense, CSU will have to contend with linebacker Brandon Spikes, who looks and plays like the Predator.

The Bucs should truly rejoice if they come out of this one with all their limbs intact.

Florida 63-3.

Troy: 9/12/09—The Irrational Tough Guy

In every horror movie, there is a brawny jock or an over-zealous boyfriend who thinks he can take on the bad guy. This character charges head first into battle, and may actually inflict some damage, but ultimately winds up on the wrong end of a chainsaw.

Troy has a frenzied attack on offense, scoring 32.8 points and racking up 414 total yards per game a year ago. Sun Belt Newcomer of the Year, quarterbacl Levi Brown, will spearhead the offense and have a dynamic arsenal. Under-sized yet speedy DuJuan Harris strikes from the backfield and dependable Jerrell Jernigan, who caught 77 passes last year, will line up outside.

The Trojans also hit heavy on defense with NFL prospect Boris Lee manning the middle linebacker spot. Defense was a strength for Troy last year when they led the conference in nearly every defensive category. However, the Sun Belt is Camp Anawana and the SEC is more like Camp Crystal Lake.

The Trojans have talent and tenacity to make you jump in your seat early, but in the end they will meet their doom.

Florida 59-13 .

Florida International: 11/21/09—The Persistent Dork

Midway to three-quarters through the movie, there will be a handful of victims left.

One of them is sure to be a comic-relief goofball who has maintained a low profile and somehow stayed alive. The Panthers will certainly provide some humor when they visit the Swamp.

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