Brave-Throat, Part Three: Metaphysics, Simple Math and the Stanley Cup

(Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)

This time he wanted to meet at the Anchor Bar. I thought it was rather bold, considering his secretive, back alley, after dark, jump in, jump out of a smoke-glass stretch limo style at the previous two meetings...until I realized he meant three in the morning, not three in the afternoon.

In the far end of the parking lot, the black limo dissolved into moonless darkness. I had a feeling it wasn't just coincidence all the street lights within 50 yards were out.

I pulled up parallel to the limo, slid my window down and waited, as instructed. A moment later, the window next to me slid down.

"Hop in," he said.

I obeyed.

"You don't get it." He complained.

"What?"

"Why do you think I've been calling these meetings? I need you to take action. Start the ball dribbling, so to speak."

"What'm I supposed to do?" I asked. "I'm just a Bleacher Report contributor. A volunteer journalist. The largest audience I've had for an article is a couple of thousand, and that was my tongue-in-cheek prediction that the Bills would win the next Super Bowl."

"Why do you think I picked you?"

"That article?" I asked, incredulous.

"Duh!"

I just stared at him.

"You still don't get it, do you?"

"No."

"Listen, John. You may not have been consciously aware of what you were writing or of what you know at some deep level, but the Spirit of the Braves has already touched you. You don't know that of which you know."

"You're right. I don't know. So tell me. What am I supposed to know?"   

"Look. Some people have the ability to believe the impossible, the improbable. Some people not only think outside of the box, they don't even have a box to think in. Some people can even imagine the TO signing working out well for the Bills this year. (And by the way, how do you think the Bills and TO were able to do the deal?)"

"You mean?" I asked.

"Absolutely." He said. "The Aud had a gaping hole by the time TO was signed."

"My God!"

"So as I was saying. Not everyone has the faith. Not most people. Not even a lot of people, maybe. But some people. And more people in Buffalo than anywhere else, per capita. And more of the old Braves fans than anyone else."

"And?"

"And the truth is, the truth revealed by the newly liberated Spirit of the Braves (free at last to do its work after haunting the Aud for 30 years) is that Buffalo can win the Stanley Cup any year now.

"And the Bills, the Super Bowl. And the Braves the NBA title with their new number one, Blake Griffin."

"You're saying Blake Griffin could be the new Bob McAdoo?"

"Maybe, but that's beside the point. The point is that a Triple Championship for Buffalo in the same year can and will happen as soon as the Braves are restored to their proper home and the curse is finally cancelled."

"A very big IF, don't you think?"

"Absolutely not! And that's what I'm here to tell you today, John. You need to get it this time, cause we've got to stop meeting like this."

"Ok?"

"It's all metaphysics and simple math."

"I get the metaphysics piece. Exorcising the curse. Reuniting spirit and matter. But what about the math?"

"How many season tickets did the Bills sell this year?"

You're currently logged into Facebook

Do you want to share your Bleacher Report activity on Facebook?