Steelers And Penguins Done: Surviving the Dog Days of Pittsburgh Sports

(Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images)

What an incredible rush of a six months it has been for Pittsburgh fans. 

First, we watched the Steelers win the greatest Super Bowl in the history of the game, which was followed up by the ultimate encore: watching Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, and the gang survive one of the best Stanley Cup runs in history to hoist their first Cup!

And then it all came to an end quicker than we could say, "Wow, another great catch on Sportscenter. Yippee."

This article is meant to help the faithful but now utterly bored Pittsburgh sports fans who need to somehow make it through a couple more month until the start of football season.

Here is a list of suggested activities to get you through those final couple months.

10.  Try and figure out which local Pennsylvania beer is really the best.  Is it Iron City or Yuengling or (insert locally microbrewed beer of choice)?  Of course, you would need to drink quite a few bottles, or cans, to figure this out.  I'd recommend starting with Iron City and alternating back and forth with Yuengling. 

After about ten of each, you should have your answer.  But, just to be sure, you might want to repeat it a few time to make sure the results are sound, and not just an anomaly.  That would be keeping with the scientific method.

And, chances are that by the time you are finished, you won't really be thinking much about all those Steelers and Penguins games you aren't seeing.

And if your significant other questions the wisdom of this activity, tell them that this isn't about getting drunk for no reason.  This is about finding the answer to one of life's more perplexing questions.

9.  Try and figure out who will be playing for the Pittsburgh Pirates tomorrow.  When I lived in Colorado, we used to have a saying.  It was, "If you don't like the weather, just wait 10 minutes and it will change."

That pretty much applies to the Pirates.  If you don't like the current Pirates, don't sweat it.  It isn't a problem.  Just watch for a few days and you'll see an entirely new team. 

One of the all-time greatest sports movies is "Major League" where a bunch of no-name Cleveland Indians win the pennant.  

But, even in that movie, the scrub team at least stays constant.  A modern version of the movie featuring the Pirates would need more actors than currently work in California to account for the constant roster turnover.   

If you want to know who is most likely to not be a Pirate within a week, just pay attention to who is playing the best.  Then put your money on the fact that he will be wearing a different jersey in record time. 

8.  Make a dartboard of all your most hated players in sports.  For me, this isn't terribly hard since most of those players play for the Baltimore Ravens. Ray Lewis makes for a great bullseye.  You have the added bonus that he is a rather large guy, making it easier to score bullseyes. 

I think I can also find a spot for Ocho Whatever, LenDale White, TJ Houshmandzadeh, Alex Ovechkin, and Kris Draper. 

I would not recommend combining this activity with the "which is the best beer" test, especially if others are in the same room.

7.  You can do daily google searches on the Pittsburgh Steelers and Pittsburgh Penguins with the hopes of finding any little scrap of news.  And then jump for joy when you've seen they've resigned some special teams guy you've never really heard about.  

Come on, we all do it.  I've been known to turn to my wife with a triumphant look on my face and proudly proclaim, "Great news.  The Steelers just signed their seventh round pick.  We are set!" 

Or, "The Penguins just signed some prospect from some country I never heard of to add to their AHL team.  Now we have some real depth for next season!" 

She typically responds, "That's great, dear."  

Nothing like taking the wind right out of the sails.

6.  Play the license plate game against your friends, but with jerseys.  You know the license plate game that all parents with young kids play to keep them occupied on long trips, where you tell them to see how many different state license plates they can spy.

But, instead of looking for license plates, you look for different player jerseys.  Give yourself bonus points for players no longer with the team. 

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