What a Meth: My First NASCAR Article
I have been ignoring NASCAR long before I began writing posts for Bleacher Report. Pretty much from the first time I was made familiar with the concept—50 or so southerners driving in a circle for several hundred miles—I was not interested.
That has all changed as the news has broken that Jeremy Mayfield has tested positive for methamphetamine.
What channel do I turn to? I can't miss this!
I'm a die-hard baseball fan. I get into football pretty hard as well. Both have their issues with drugs, predominantly steroid use. It would seem though that bigger muscles are not something that the merry-go-rounders find advantageous.
Blurred vision, muscle twitches, increased aggression, or more of the other side effects of meth use? Well that seems like a pretty nifty set of symptoms for a guy driving 200 miles per hour!
Having a driver or two hopped up on crank could be the ticket to pushing NASCAR over the that last hump to make it the most watched sport in America.
Perhaps it could be a lottery system? Before each race, officials could secretly put some white crunch into the Gatorade of a driver or two. By lap 20 or so you'd have something a lot more intriguing that a few dozen adult men driving in a circle in cars that are anything but stock.
Now this plan is not without its drawbacks. Sponsorship may take a hit when these handsome drivers begin to show the signs of meth use. As the currently attractive. commercial-ready "athletes" turn into toothless, emaciated zombies, it seems like marketing could take a hit. Then again, perhaps toothlessness is not something of particular importance to NASCAR fans?
Whatever the next race is that will be televised, viewers may be on the rise. Instead of watching the laps that really matter (that would be the last one), now folks will have incentive to watch from beginning to end. What once had all the drama of watching a washing machine spin, now will hold the ultimate in reality TV!
I'm kidding of course. I still won't be watching.
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