How About Some NBA First-Round Awards?

The NBA Playoffs have been great so far. I haven't seen so many unexpected turns since the first season of ABC's "Lost." What we expected didn't go exactly as we expected, and what we knew would happen didn't happen.

Boston lost two at upstart Atlanta, and succeeded at being the first team with the newly crowned defensive player of the year to allow Josh Smith to look like Scottie Pippen, only Joe Johnson isn't Michael Jordan. Well, maybe to Ray Allen because he couldn't guard him.

With all of the talk surrounding the NBA's superconference, the West, we expected to see playoff matchups down to the wire. Instead, we got a Dallas Mavericks team that was outclassed and totally embarrassed by the, "New Orleans Paul's" and saw all of their frustrations taken out by Jason Kidd's "John Cena-like" takedown of Jannero Pargo (his career went with that takedown, like Mike Tyson's knockout at the hands of James Buster Douglas).

We witnessed the Phoenix Suns manage to do everything in their power to lose to their nemesis, the San Antonio Spurs in just 5 games, along with watching Kobe Bryant dismantle the Denver Nuggets rather easily.

With one coach already fired in the West (Avery Johnson) and Mike D'Antoni seeming to come next, the West has looked anything but "super" in the first round. As my favorite sportswriter Bill Simmons of ESPN said in his latest article, "we have officially witnessed the fall of the Phoenix Suns and the run-and-gun seven second shot clock era."

All of the story lines out of the West have been of defeats, and not closely played series like predicted. It felt like the arrival of a critically acclaimed show that we all were salivating over, only to turn out to be horrible making you feel dumb for anticipating it.

In the spirit of the first round, I'm handing out the hardware and boy this will be fun! (I love the chance to throw my awards around like the judges of "American Idol." Hey, what makes Randy Jackson more qualified than I am?)

The "Karate Kid" Award for Toughness and Persistence - Chris Paul, Hornets

Has anybody made a team look so useless defensively from the point guard position? Chris Paul managed to make a bad defensive team look worse, and looked good doing it. Jason Kidd may want to get a bed in the senior home ready after that performance. Here's to hoping that Chris Paul and Deron Williams are the PG's on the Olympic team and that the fascination with the future Hall Of Fame player Jason Kidd comes to an end. We had to watch Michael Jordan look vulnerable for God's sake in a Wizards uniform, and he's the best ever. Listen to yourself Jason whispering above your bed at night, "it's time to go."

The Shawn Marion award for "Best Primadonna" - Carmelo Anthony, Nuggets

Man, this guy just piles it on himself. Will he be the NBA version of Iron Mike Tyson? He gets in DVDs talking reckless around sketchy people, says whatever he wants in press conferences and interviews, doesn't think before he talks, leaves the house drunk in a car for no good reason and loses in late April every year. No doubt Carmelo Anthony is talented, but smarten up, man. Don't say your team quit before an elimination game against Kobe Bryant. Nobody but Jordan was as good as Kobe at sensing confidence disparity and attacking it. Good luck next year, Melo.

The "Scrubs" award for "We're good and we know it, so we can slack off sometimes" - The Boston Celtics

Come on, Kevin Garnett. We know that Josh Smith cannot guard you and we know that you can guard him. We know that Jesus Shuttlesworth, commonly known as Ray Allen can stick with Joe Johnson, and we sure as hell know that Paul Pierce isn't going to let a rookie named Al Horford talk to him like Sanford and Son. We know these things, so why give them two wins like that? Can you say vulnerable to the pick and roll? Note to teams playing the Celtics: Pick and Roll against Ray Allen. It's your only chance.

The Bill Simmons award for "end of an era" - Steve Nash and the Phoenix Suns

Steve Nash we'll miss you. We'll miss your "over 50 wins every year but fail in the postseason" flair. Your wild hair flying around while you run around the court until someone gets open. Lack of heart and will, lack of defense and dismantling at the hands of Tony Parker. Hell, screw the sarcasm with the Suns. Let's see if Robert Sarver can succeed in making something else inept when it matters. R.I.P Phoenix Suns. Time to rebuild, guys.

The "Rocky Balboa" award for greatest comeback- Shaquille O'Neal, Phoenix

Shaq was better than we all expected with Phoenix. I expected an over-sized tree to lose it's leaves and roots when Shaq arrived in Phoenix. Besides the despicable act of the Spurs of grabbing him for no reason like it was Valentine's Day and he was Eva Longoria, he played a respectable stint with the Suns. It was a little more authentic than Rocky Balboa against the ten seconds of fame boxer Antonio Tarver, but I love Shaq and watching him this year was a great farewell. Hopefully, it's a farewell. All things, whether good or bad have to come to an end.

As we prepare to say goodbye to the first round of the 2008 NBA playoffs, we learned that regular season success means nothing, and if the Dallas Mavericks aren't the best example of that, just ask Avery Johnson. Hopefully. the second round will be far more competitive and I'll give out more hardware. Oh, and goodbye to Allen Iverson, maybe the Nuggets will go somewhere before he becomes the next Jason Kidd.