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Outcome Aside, The Brazil Loss Was The Greatest Game In US Men's Soccer History

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Outcome Aside, The Brazil Loss Was The Greatest Game In US Men's Soccer History
(Photo by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images)

Let me start by giving you the setting of my day so far. I had to get up to work today at 10-5ish, on the day the US men's soccer team is playing the biggest game of their rough history. I knew I had to see this game, some how, some way.

So then I called my uncle to tell him to DVR the game for me and make sure that he does not, under any circumstances, tell me anything about the game.

Then I told every possible person who would text me with an, "OMFG" or a "WOW dude hope your watching," that I didn't even want to talk to them because the tone in their voice and their expression would indicate to me how the match went or was going.

As you can see I was on edge, just a little.

And at around 5:45 PM...this is what transpired...

5:45 PM EST - Fresh off the Ice Cream Truck!! We're coming to you from a DVR'd copy of the Confederation Cup Final, Brazil vs the United States. If you can't get up for this, then you should really go buy Fifa World Cup 06' for XBOX 360. Then come and talk to me.

5:50 PM EST - Every single graphic known to man about the United States Soccer History has popped up so far. Thanks ESPN, as if we didn't already know that we've sucked for quite some time.

5:58 PM EST - After the pre-game photos, and 70,000 other events that have to take place before they can actually PLAY the game. We're under way. I'm giddy.

6:05 PM EST - We're already 8 minutes into the game and Brazil's been on our side of the field 99.99% of the time. Kinda one-sided isn't it?

6:07 PM EST - I swear, every single American Soccer Analyst is so irritated that we've sucked at soccer for years. They think that we, as fans, aren't angry as well. While we're at it, let me run down my favorite US soccer players.

Donovan = just love how he's developed as a leader. Onyewu = plays so fundamental and smart at all times. And Clint Dempsey = fell in love with him after the 06 World Cup game when he nutmeg'd the Italian defender and scored.

He just plays with such a swagger, and he isn't afraid of the big lights.

6:09 PM EST - GOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLL....DEMPSEY in the back of the net!!! Oh what a ball from Spector. Just as I was hyping up my man-love for Clint Dempsey, he comes through. Ohh it's now official, Brazil. IT'S ON!!

US needed that first goal to believe they can actually win this game. Wow, what a goal.

6:11 PM EST - Just cut to Kaka giving the classic Eli Manning face after an interception. Truly classic.

6:12 PM EST - Wow, Brazil comes right back and almost scores. They are so much more talented than us, it's unreal.

6:15 PM EST - US Almost scored again. Oh lord I'm going nuts. Can I just say how much I love the new and improved, younger USA team. So much fun to watch.

6:16 - The three unsung heroes of this Confederation Cup for the US - Donovan, Spector, Onyewu. Hands down.

6:18 PM EST - Over/Under for the amount of times the announcer says, "This is the 1st time the US has been in a FIFA final," is set at 6.5. We're already at 3, at the 20 minute mark. Where's my bookie?

6:20 PM EST - Just reported that the US has sold the most tickets for the next World Cup than any other country. Gee, I hope we qualify. We are in a recession, you know.

6:25 PM EST - Some really great ball movement by Kaka. He really is a wizard with the ball at his feet. It's not fair. I think that the rest of the world is born with ridiculous soccer skills, and we just have to work really really hard to get half of that ability.

6:26 PM EST - BANG! 2-0! DONOVAN back of the net off a great run by both he and Charlie Davies. Oh what a goal. I'm pretty sure I just broke something in this room, there was an assortment of banging sounds that happened. It's STILL ON Brazil!!! WHAT?!

6:28 PM EST - I think it's safe to say the Brazilian coach is freaking out right now. The US just almost scored AGAIN. Wow how great would 3-0 look right now. Since that 8th minute mark the US has completely dominated. Are we sure we didn't change uniforms with the Brazilians for this half?

6:33 PM EST - What a great save from Howard - the best US goaltender of all time - sorry Kasey.

6:39 PM EST - Charlie Davies could be the fastest human alive - move over Usain Bolt. By the way, I absolutely love Bob Bradley's "bend-but-don't-break" style defense. It's very Indianapolis Colts, circa 2007.

6:44 PM EST - How does B-squared (Bob Bradley's new nickname) feel about his son not playing in the biggest US game of all time because he was an idiot and got a late red card? I'd go with, disappointed. Yea, disappointed sounds about right.

6:45 PM EST - What a first half - US just looks like a team of destiny. No one has ruined the final for me yet with a text message. Thank God. Time for some eats...Gotta love DVR.

6:53 PM EST - And we're back, and Brazil comes right out and cuts the lead in half. 2-1 US. In the words of our captain obvious announcer, "That Changes Everything!"

6:59 PM EST - US is making me nervous. I just ate a bag of Tostitos in 6 minutes. Just called Guinness, it's a world record.

7:04 - I've never seen a goalie have to make as many big saves as Tim Howard. He's got more saves this game alone then Britney Spears has of her image.

7:06 PM EST - Brazil hits one under the crossbar that was definitely a goal. Oh well. Sucks doesn't it Brazil? 2-1 US. Hey good news is, it looks like horrible officiating extends beyond the NBA playoffs. Ooops.

7:11 PM EST - US just doesn't look like they want to score again. I'm telling you right now, one more goal and we win. We just have to get it first.

7:17 PM EST - Two great attempts from Donovan and Dempsey. Ahhh we need one of those. Veteran leadership is showing itself when it has been absent in the past. Great sign.

7:18 PM EST - Howard with the save of the tournament. Phew - If US wins someone may need to take Howard out for a steak dinner. He's doing his best Mariano Rivera impersonation.

7:21 PM EST - Effing A. Brazil scores another one off the cross bar and in. 2-2. Now I'm in full on, "Freak Out" mode. Come On USA! I'm more nervous now then I was on my first date to the movies in 7th grade. Yea...I just said that.

7:25 PM EST - If this game goes to Overtime...We're going to need a crash cart. Just sayin'.

7:27 PM EST - 80 Minute Mark...don't know what is going on right now. I'm blacking out. I need a cut man in my corner.

7:31 PM EST - Brazil scores on a corner. Jeeeeezus defense come on. Most overlooked stat of this Championship is the amount of corners the US opponents have had compared to theirs. I bet you it's in the ball park of a 5-1 ratio.

7:35 PM EST - COME ON US!! Let's just get one!!

7:40 PM EST - Can not believe the US lost that game. 3-2 Brazil wins the cup. It was there for the taking. The casual American fan could have finally rejoiced. It would have been epic.

The streets of the country would have been flooded with soccer balls and American flags. ESPN would make soccer one of the first highlights every night. Shoot, even my grandpa could have been excited. It was all there for the taking.

But we let it slip.

Hopefully we can build on this. And if you want an actual analysis on the game make sure you check out my boy Phil Shore's blog. http://shorethingsports.blogspot.com

I'll stick to the comedy. Enjoy. R.I.P. Michael Jackson - greatest ever, bar none.

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