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I just had to get that alternate green Dirk Nowitzki jersey.In 2006, I had just found out that I was going to be a father for the first time, so I capitalized on my (future) Father's Day ...

Avery Johnson is Out, and I Feel Responsible

by Andy Simpson (Analyst)

6

559 reads

Sports

May 01, 2008

NBA, Dallas Mavericks, Avery Johnson, Satire

I just had to get that alternate green Dirk Nowitzki jersey.

In 2006, I had just found out that I was going to be a father for the first time, so I capitalized on my (future) Father's Day and Dirk's three point play versus the Spurs in Game Seven (what was Ginobili thinking?), and convinced my euphoric and pregnant wife to finally buy me a Dirk Nowitzki jersey. 

I had some trouble locating the alternate version I wanted at the time, so as the Mavs were just finishing off Phoenix in the Western Conference Finals, she finally just ordered my jersey from the Mavs store online at full price.

Why was I like a kid in a candy store in 2006?  Do Lakers fans or Bulls fans go out and buy jerseys, T-shirts, window stickers, bumper stickers, hats, posters, etc. for an NBA finals trip? 

Of course not, but Mavericks fans do. 

My senior year of high school, the Mavs were coached by Quinn Buckner (huh?)  to a 13-69 season, following an 11-71 season in 1992-93 led by Richie Adubato (fired) and Gar Heard (interim). 

While I was rooting for Irvin, Aikman, and Emmitt with the Cowboys, I had to cheer for a retiring Brad Davis, oft-suspended Roy Tarpley, rookie hold-out Jim Jackson, Popeye Jones, and other unmentionables.  So, I'm sure anyone would excuse my buying a Dirk jersey for a little Finals trip.

  • B/R Ticket Guide

Well you know the rest, Mavs win the first two games, have a 13 point lead with 6:20 to go in Miami, and then, during a TV timeout, David Stern enforced a 3 millimeter restraining order on the Mavericks to protect Dwayne Wade.  78 fouls and 56 made free throws later, and the Mavs had to postpone the parade a day, and ultimately cancel. 

What you didn't know is that my Dirk jersey was slow shipping, so I got didn't get it until the afternoon of, GAME THREE!  The Dwayne Wade Game!  I slipped on that jersey on June 13, 2006, and the Mavs didn't win another game all season. 

I wore it for a couple of meaningless regular season games the next year, and they won a couple, but I also wore it in the late regular season loss to Golden State.  I wore it through the whole Golden State Gate.  (Why didn't this catch on?  Every other fiasco attaches "Gate" to the end of it, and this time it rhymes.) 

I didn't wear it this year, but it's too late.  I should have burned my green No. 41.

I should've emailed Mark Cuban on behalf of Avery Johnson.  I should've called him.  I should've rented one of those planes with the banner and flew over a Cubs game.  I should've found a way to let Cuban know that Avery didn't screw up the Mavs, that Avery's a good man and a good coach.

That jersey ruined us. 

Coach Avery was the NBA's Coach of the Year, had finally gotten Dallas to the Finals, and was up 2-Love, and I killed them.  I put on that cursed jersey.  I brought down the ship, not Avery. 

Avery has said that he threw everything he had at Chris Paul, and it just didn't work out.  He's right!  The Mavs were dead dogs in this series, but they wouldn't have been in this spot if I hadn't bought that stinking jersey.  Avery Johnson would still be coaching the Mavericks, would have at least one championship ring, and we'd all be happy.

I guess I'm a lazy fan because for the last two days, I couldn't write down my comments.  I couldn't read all of the Mavs stories.  And I won't get rid of my Dirk jersey. 

I'll cling on to every bit of the Mavs good days as I can.  I don't want to go back.  I'm not returning to the days of Doug Smith and Uwe Blab and Denver Nuggets cast-offs. 

Mark Cuban will have to fire me too.  Believe me, he can keep the Green 41.

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comments (6) write a comment »

  1. Great article....I feel your pain! :(
    -Melissa in Dallas

  2. well written. Reminds me of when I was younger and the Knicks were actually watchable. I used to change rooms I was watching the game in to spur on a run or spot others teams that were on a run.

    anyway nice article

    1. I guess that's the price of glory. When your team stinks you don't have to worry about superstititions, but when teams are good, you suffer through all kinds of rituals to try to keep it going.

  3. Check out my new article, I found out who the mavericks next coach is gonna be.

  4. So it was you. Mind sending me an address? I've got three postseasons worth of horse feces I've been waiting to send to the s.o.b. that took Dirk's ring away. It was previously on its way to David Stern.

    1. Let me consult my fecal advisor first.

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