The Name Game: MLB 2009 Edition – Part I

Travis Schlichting (P, LAD).

If you get it, you're pretty good. I know you're trying. But lets move on...

Phil Coke (P, NYY).

This has gotta be pretty rare. Unless there's an R.C. Rowand out there. C.C. Nintendo?

Jhonny Peralta (SS, Cle).

Followed closely by Cla Meredith (P, SD), who came in second because it seems like they just forgot something.

I know there's a lot of action in the delivery room. But do these things just get overlooked that often that there are two birth certificate mistakes playing baseball?

Ben Francisco (LF, Cle).

Followed closely by both Huston Street (P, Col) and Orlando Hudson (2B, LAD), which is actually two places.

Ben Francisco also wins for Name That Should Most Be Sung Out Loud: “Ben-Fran-CISCO!”.

Onward...

Dan Uggla (2B, Fla). Kevin Slowey (P, Min).

There are no winners here.

Wladimir Balentien (LF, Sea).

..Because Vladimir Valentine would be so very awesome.

Jair Jurrjens (P, Atl).

C'mon ma, throw a 'g' in there somewhere!

Eli Whiteside (C, SF).

"Every head at the bar turned when the saloon doors slammed open and the piano player stopped. Gasp! It was Eli Whiteside. He had left town months ago on the back of a stolen horse."

J.P. Howell (P, TB).

No joke. I don't want him buying my house just to bulldoze it and build a parking lot.

Taylor Teagarden (C, TX).

This poor, poor guy. I guess he showed 'em all now, playing backup catcher.

Brian Wilson (P, SF).

I'm pretty sure they both dig California girls.

Alan Embree (P, Col).

Romantic comedies preferred.

Bronson Arroyo (P, Cin).

Please... don't kill his family.

Joe Smith (P, Cle).

And yet Seth Smith (LF, Col)... pretty cool.

Evan Longoria (3B, TB)

It's only crazy because he’s in no way related to famous actress Eva Longoria.

What were the odds that both of them would rise to fame anywhere near the same time?

It’s probably around the same odds as Kenny Rogers being both a country weirdo and a major league jerk around the same time. Or Michael Myers being both a guy who butchered people and a dude who butchers accents.

So I guess it happens quite often, just not in this boy/girl tandem (where the hell are you, Christian Aguilera?).

Chien-Ming Wang (P, NYY)

Okay, so this is some lowbrow humor. But it makes for good headlines:

Wang Pounded By Twins

Wang Not in Rhythm

Wang Slays Tigers…

Now you do one!

Antonio Bastardo (P, Phi)

This is just plain great.

I might use this name in a book one day. He should be the supervillian in a B movie, sporting a cane and thin mustache.

But if I'd have made it up, they'd tell me it's too silly .

Milton Bradley (OF, Cubs)

So out-there it makes you wonder: was it planned? Were his parents big Connect-4 fans?

What would have been perfect is if the guy had joined the Navy and sunk battleships for a living.

Coco Crisp (OF, KC)

This has been a lot of fun, kids, but really… it wasn’t even a competition.

I just hope this guy gets the endorsement deal he deserves one day.

[ Stay tuned for part two, where we’ll have more categories such as “Name That Most Sounds Like It Was Picked By An Alien For Its Human Form” and give out best team awards. Until then.. ]