(Photo by Scott Boehm/Getty Images)
It's June 9 and the sun is beginning to set over Champaign, Illinois. The faint sounds of birds chirping in the distance, leaves rustling in the brisk Midwestern breeze, and the hypnotizing "whoosh" of far-off traffic cascade through the streets on this beautiful early summer's night. All's well in Champaign.
Suddenly, an insidious reverberation pierces the eardrums of nearby pedestrians.
Weee-O-Weee-O-Weee Wee-O-Weee-O-Weee Wee-O-Weee-O-Weee-O-Weee
Onlookers fall to their knees in despair. A great thunderous tremble accompanies the shrieking sound. A tornado? An Earthquake? A herd of raging rhinos? In Champaign? Couldn't possibly be...
Weee-O-Weee-O-Weee Wee-O-Weee-O-Weee Wee-O-Weee-O-Weee-O-Weee
Passers-by search frantically for the source of the horrific sound. Over the horizon, the sum of all their fears is realized. An SUV with 20 inch rims comes into focus.
The cacophony being emitted from the monstrous vehicle sets off nearby car alarms and shatters windshields and tympanic membranes. Lil Wayne continues his musical onslaught upon the innocent bystanders.
Perched behind the wheel—flat-brimmed hat slightly off-kilter—sits Vontae Davis, former superstar of the Fighting Illini and promising young rookie of the Miami Dolphins.
Pedestrians look on in horror as Vontae unleashes the full power of his subwoofers upon their feeble ears. The pounding bass causes bystanders to shake violently in rhythm—as if shaken by some giant, invisible maraca player. A small dog does back flips involuntarily.
Vontae looks on, unabashed, bouncing his head up and down to the stylings of Mr. Wayne.
Another sound enters the spectrum of sonorous insanity. It is barely audible through the super-sonic wall of sound surrounding the SUV, but this sound is accompanied by flashing lights. Victims stand dazed, wondering to themselves if they had unwittingly ingested hallucinogens and are, in fact, standing on a dance floor.
Weee-O-Weee-O-Weee Wee-O-Weee-O-Weee Wee-O-Weee-O-Weee-O-Weee
The sounds, mercifully, come to an end. Salvation had arrived and it was clad in blue.
After several minutes of Vontae Davis trying to justify his reprehensible behavior to one of Champaign's finest, justice is finally served. Vontae Davis is arrested for driving without a valid license and unnecessary vehicular noise.
Simultaneously, 1,262 miles away, Vontae Davis is in the locker room of the Dolphins' Training Facility in Davie, Florida preparing to head home after a long day of running drills during OTAs.
Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to enter the Twilight Zone.
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There can be only one conclusion; Vontae Davis has managed to accomplish the seemingly impossible. He has broken the barriers of time and space.
Your guess is as good as mine when it comes to figuring out how Davis managed to pull off something of this magnitude.
It may never be given any satisfactory answer. Scientists will surely examine this case with great curiosity, but they will fail to find any suitable conclusion as to how Vontae Davis managed to be in two places at once. This figures to remain an enduring mystery that will continue to baffle even the most brilliant of minds for years to come.
Even though I cannot hope to conjure up the amount of mental power necessary to tackle this problem satisfactorily, I will put forth my best theories nonetheless.
Theory No. 1: VONTAE DAVIS IS A MUTANT
Vontae is naturally gifted, that much is evident. However, he could be hiding the true extent of his natural gifts. There have long been rumors of men born with incredible powers.
Through the years, some have even been captured and exploited for monetary gain by circuses and reality tv shows. The street magician known as David Blaine is rumored to be one such case.
This being the case, it is reasonable to assume that Vontae only uses a portion of his powers on the field as to not draw attention to himself, lest he be captured and studied in some lab by prodding scientists wishing to unlock the genetic code behind his powers.
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