Football Personalities' Answer Machines

Hi Bleacher Creatures. Today's article's inspiration comes courtesy of Robert Orzechowski. He came up with Tennis players' answerphone messages and so I decided to make some football personalities' answerphone messages. Here they are:

Guus Hiddink: Hallo my friend. You have reached Guush's ansherphone meshage devyshe. I'm unable to take callsh from people ash I am not near the phone right now.
Shorry. I am currently sssshhhhmokin' ssssshhhumthing exsssshhhotic.
But if you still want to shpeak to a dutch football manager, shpeak to
Martin Jol and he'll be able to entertain you with a dutch acshent inshtead.

*BEEP*

Joe Kinnear- *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*

*BEEP*

Ashley Cole: Hey Cheryl, you've reached Ashley "Can't-Keep-His-C*ck-To-Himself" Cole. You never learn do you. Why leave me in a house on my own for hours??
Can't get to the phone right now. Yep, I'm screwing another one of your many former PAs. That way both myself and her get a bit of income, if you know what I mean.
If you are not Cheryl, just send a nudey photo of yourself with details to my
home address and I'll come back to you.

*BEEP*

Alex Ferguson: (Scottish accent) Helloh. Sawreh ah caan't get to the phawn rate no. Please leave yer deetells uf you want to stupidly sail your best players to my club for pennies. Tawtenham, Fraizer Campbell us nawt stayun at Spurs and that's fanal.
He us a great player, which is way he's nawt stayun at Spurs.
Wrigley's, ah need another truck of chewing gum deluvered to ma hoose.

*BEEP*


Cristiano Ronaldo: Hola beautiful ladies. You have reached El Packago de Ego.
I cannot get to phone as I am either changing clothes, crashing car, getting tan in
Madrid sunshine, dating girl, sleeping with girl, gelling hair, washing hair or 
straightening hair...or...straightening in-match conduct.

*BEEP*


Zinedine Zidane - (Noises of headbutting the phone).

*BEEP*

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