Atlanta Hawks Fans Invest in Air Horn Industry
The Atlanta Hawks organization, realizing it held a national television audience captive as it battled against the Boston Celtics, has led a sly marketing campaign promoting the resurgence of the air horn industry.
Sure the Hawks are an NBA franchise worth several hundred million dollars, but the owners have attempted a secret marketing ploy to bring back the popularity of air horns for sporting events, pranks, and other various activities.
Their attempt to gain even more profit from the basketball team has centered around the myth that, somehow, the stadium PA's horn and shot clock are not working properly during the Hawks' first round series against the Celtics.
Despite the fact that nowadays NASA can fix a severely damaged space shuttle in Earth's orbit at zero gravity for less than a million dollars in just a few hours, Atlanta has perpetuated a belief that despite two days downtime, they cannot find an electrical engineer to fix the "glitch" that has plagued its shot clock in the two home games of its NBA Playoffs series against the Boston Celtics.
Instead of the normal horn, which inexplicably does not work and cannot be repaired, the Hawks have turned to a trusty air horn to serve as notice that a team's possession time has run out.
Despite an abysmal regular season record in which the Hawks were able to qualify for the playoffs by accident, there had never been a shot clock issue until an Atlanta home game was televised nationally.
Atlanta fans, who have experienced a tumultuous season of bickering owners, understand that their team was built to turn a profit, not to win games. Hawks fans flooded the stock market attempting to buy up stock in air horn companies the morning before Game 4 in Atlanta.
Loyal Hawks fans have understood the recent addition of the air horn to be just another marketing ploy, like this season's "buy one get 250 tickets free" plan and the owners' attempts to fire Coach Woodson and replace him with an actual hawk.
(This was the plot for a Fox pilot that failed to take off after the proposed hawk swooped down during filming, picked up special guest Spud Webb, and flew out an open window with the former Atlanta Hawks star).
Although the series is likely to finish in Boston after two quick wins by the NBA's best team, this author suggests that his readers be prepared to buy stock in the air horn industry if the Atlanta Hawks make the NBA Playoffs in the 2008-09 season.
Also, if anyone has seen Spud Webb, the Atlanta Hawks are looking for him or his remains. Any and all tips are welcome.
Simply blow on an air horn until Hawks representatives are able to find you to take a statement. If they are unable to reach you before your air horn runs out, please replace air horn and repeat until Atlanta's officials arrive.
This article brought to you by the Atlanta Air Horn Co.
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