As reported here in my previous article, the Green Bay Packers signed 55 year old running back David Pesnell and promptly declared him the starting running back ahead of Ryan Grant. Ted Thompson cited Pesnell's speed (or lack of) as the reason for signing him to the contract. Thompson stated that the 55 year old running back runs a 12 minute 40 yard dash and being so slow, defensive players, not being used to such a slow player, will not be able to adjust to the new speed that Pesnell brings to the game. For further comments regarding this press conference, please read my previous article entitled "Packers Name David Pesnell Starting Running Back for 2009 Season".
Since Wednesday's press conference the situation in Green Bay has began to deterioate with Packer management and Pesnell's reps pointing the finger at each other. Here is the look at the time line of events and I will leave it up to you to dig deep into your heart and make the final judgement as to who is wrong.
Wednesday, 7:00 PM
Ted Thompson, General Manager of the Green Bay Packers calls a press conference and along with coach Mike McCarthy, announce the signing of the 55 year old Running Back.
Wednesday, 11:00 PM
Pesnell, while being interviewed by Joe Buck, announces his retirement stating that "I know I have the physical ability to continue to be slow, but I do not know if I have the mental attitude to go through another set of OTAs, going to camp, then preseason and the season". He further stated he was just "mentally tired". He then continued, as tears flowed from his eyes, that "he was going to miss the excitement of the game, the fans and friendships that he developed on and off the field, the celebrations of wins and crying with his fellow team mates when they lost a game". Joe Buck then pointed out to Pesnell that he has never been to training camp, never participated in a preseason game or a regular season game and in fact, had just been signed to his first football contract only 4 hours earlier. Pesnell responded, "when you been a professional football player as long as I have, you know when the time comes to hang up the old jock strap" and then he left the studio. Packer management expressed deep sorrow over the retirement of Pesnell, but as coach Mike McCarthy stated, "We have to move on".
Thursday, 8:00 AM
In an interview with the Japanese paper Tokyo Times, Pesnell announced that he has reconsidered and is going ahead and play for the Green Bay Packers. He expects to be in Green Bay at the beginning of training Camp. When reached at his Tokyo hotel by ESPN, Pesnell stated that "he has taken a considerable amount of time to reconsider his retirement and after long thoughts, much need rest and discussions with his family, he has decided to return to the Packers". "Pesnell further stated, he just need some time alone to think things through". When ESPN pointed out that it had only been 9 hours since he announced his retirement, Pesnell asked, "How many Dallas Cowboys does it take to eat possum? When no one knew, he stated "Three, one to eat the Possum and two to watch for cars". Everyone laughed and all was forgiven. Packers fans everywhere sighed with relief.
Thursday, 10 AM
While hunting butterflies with his shotgun in Zaire, Pesnell told Zaire Tribune that he was retiring and not reporting to the Packers, and that he was angry about having his on again and off again retirement being discussed publicly by the Green Bay Packer organization. When asked to explain, he stated that "he was like a butterfly whose wings have been clipped by the Packers". How can I put my life at risk and hunt these killer butterflies with only a shotgun, knowing that the press keeps writing about my situation with the Packers". The comments by Pesnell left many Zaire reporters wondering if Pesnell's speed wasn't the only thing that was a little slow. Later at the Zaire airport Pesnell was asked if he would be hated by the Packers organization for retiring again so soon. Pesnell responded, "Whats the difference between a baby and a Dallas Cowboy. Sooner or later the baby stops whining. Everyone laughed and all was forgiven.
Thursday, 11:00 AM
Ted Thompson filed tampering charges against the Minnesota Vikings stating that the Vikings had over 17 phone conversations with Pesnell that morning and that is why he retired, to force the Packers to trade Pesnell to the Vikings. When NFL investigators arrived at Pesnell's home and asked him about the 17 phone calls between him and Brad Childress earlier in the day, Pesnell stated that all those phones calls with Brad Childress was only discussions regarding the beautiful pink desert flowers currently blooming in the Arizona desert; Brad just loves the color pink". Seeing no harm in the phone calls, NFL investigators left satisfied the phone calls where legit discussion of pink flowers and no football discussions took place between Pesnell and Childress.
Thursday, 1:00 PM
Today, Green Bay Running Back, David Pesnell arrived in Green Bay and announced that he was ready for camp. When told by Ted Thompson that the Green Bay Packers were moving forward without him, Pesnell was heart broker. To add insult to injury, Ted Thompson announced that Pesnell had been traded to the New York Jets for an autographed photo of Jet quarterback, Joe Namath.
Thursday, 2:00 PM
Pesnell held a press conference at the hotel in Green Bay discussing his displeasure with the situation between him, General Manager Ted Thompson and Coach Mike McCarthy. The 55 year old running back, known for his record setting slow speed and deceptive moves announced that "he knew all along that Ted Thompson never wanted him in Green Bay and in fact, ever since Ted Thompson arrived in Green Bay, he was out to get me". Joe Buck pointed out that Pesnell had only been signed by the Packers less than 20 hours earlier and in fact Thompson had been here for several years and Pesnell responded, "How many players did the Dallas Cowboys dress for their last game of the season. When no one knew the answer, Pesnell state, "22, the rest dressed themselves." Everyone laughed and all was forgiven.
At the New York Jet press conference, the Jets announced that they have traded for star Packer running back, David Pesnell and were proud to have the slowest guy in football on their team, a player they could build the team around for years to come. Minutes later, Jet officials, wondering why Pesnell was not at the press conference, made phone calls and became concerned upon learning that Pesnell was in Minnesota participating in OTAs with the Vikings. Jet officials immediately called Packer officials and wanted to terminate the trade and get their autographed picture of Joe Namath returned to them. Packer officials denied the request and called the NFL main office to decide the issue, is Pesnell a Packer, a Jet or a Viking.
NFL rules that Pesnell is a Viking, Packers get to keep autographed picture of Joe Namath, and Vikings must give the Jets an autographed Viking jersey signed by Kobe Bryant. Vikings protested stating that Kobe Bryant never played for the Vikings. Jets continued to insist and today the autographed Viking jersey worn by Kobe Bryant hangs proudly in the management offices of the New York Jets.
Thursday, 5:00 PM
The Minnesota Vikings hold a press conference to announce that Pesnell is the new running back for the team and that Adrian Peterson was being moved to safety. The Vikings announce that Pesnell has signed a new three year contract for $100,000 a year and will be the starting running back and will also play defense as a outside linebacker. The Vikings introduce Pesnell who stepped up to the podium and promptly announced his retirement. When various Viking fans begin to boo, Pesnell stated that the Dallas Cowboys were changing their playing field from astro turf to grass, cause we all know Cowboys play better on grass. Everyone laughed and all was forgiven.