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Raising a Kid As a Mets Fan Now Considered Child Abuse

NEW YORK - SEPTEMBER 28:  A fan looks on at the end of the game during the last regular season baseball game ever played in Shea Stadium featuring the New York Mets and the Florida Marlins on September 28, 2008 in the Flushing neighborhood of the Queens borough of New York City. The Mets plan to start next season at their new stadium Citi Field after playing in Shea for over 44 years.  (Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images)
Brenden MonroeCorrespondent ISeptember 4, 2016

After the recent Luis Castillo incident, New York State Law makers went into action.  After an emergency state senate and assembly meeting Saturday morning, a new law was passed. 

Raising a kid as a Mets fan is now illegal in the state of New York.  The new child abuse law is being heralded as a groundbreaking law. 

The reasons for the law are the following:

  • Losing the Subway Series in five games.
  • Timo Perez not hustling and getting thrown out.
  • Blowing a 14-game lead in 2007
  • Blowing a 14-game lead in 2008
  • Losing the NLCS after Endy Chavez made what should have been a game saving catch
  • Signing Mo Vaughn
  • Needing an error to win the 1986 World Series
  • Firing Willie Randolph while he was sleeping
  • Not signing Raul Ibanez to a cheap deal before 2009
  • Not signing any other outfielders before 2009
  • Having Steve Phillips as a General Manager
  • Having Omar Minaya as a General Manager
  • Letting that guy named Brian Schneider catch
  • Signing Luis Castillo
  • Having Fred Wilpon as an owner
  • Trading Scott Kazmir for Victor Zambrano
  • When Carlos Beltran called out his team in Pittsburgh and then didn't hustle and getting thrown out at third
  • Only winning the season series against the Yankees twice since 1997
  • Getting rid of the original Home run apple
  • Building a ridiculous outfield wall in an otherwise beautiful stadium
  • Luis Castillo's mess-up that is now just referred to as: "The Drop"

Lawmakers agreed that no child should have to endure that form of pain and suffering, with some senators even comparing the Mets to that European guy who tortured his children for 20 years.

New Yorkers under the age of 18 will no longer have to root for the Metropolitans.

"I am so happy," said Vinny Bobarino of Brooklyn. "It is hard to hold back the tears right now...I have been through so much; I always told my dad I didn't wanna root for them anymore but he kept telling me 'You gotta Believe'....It was awful."

Lawyers for the Mets plan to argue the constitutionality of the law, but as one Mets lawyer put it, "there is too much evidence against us." 

The cities of Pittsburgh, Miami, and Toronto are also said to be drawing up laws similar to this one.

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