You know what’s a real traipse through the rose garden? Getting speared in the solar plexus by a 250-pound, professional man-tackler.
American football is brutal, but it’s no match for soccer, according to Piers Morgan.
TMZ recently caught up with the British television personality outside Los Angeles’ Madeo Restaurant. Pleasantries were exchanged, and the tabloid reporter asked Morgan what he thought about TMZ expanding to the UK.
Morgan’s response? Sure, but you’ll have to learn about real football first.
“You gotta learn proper football,” Morgan said. “The real one with the round ball and no girly padding or helmets.”
He has a point. American football—with its cushy, marshmallow pads—could never stand up to something as gruelingly macho as soccer.
No pads, no mercy!
Morgan would’ve had a fighting chance had he made his stand with rugby. Alas, he says the sport with shin guards is tougher than the one with 300-pound men mangling one another for 60 minutes.
By Morgan’s logic, the Spartans were practically Beliebers.
Look at those Glee lovers, ramming into the enemy with shields and helmets. Soccer players would charge in naked and crush the enemy with the sheer body weight of a thousand flops.
Here’s the deal, Morgan. You trot out Cristiano Ronaldo, and we’ll bring Adrian Peterson. We have them trade sports for a day, play each other's positions and see who is micturating blood when it’s all over.
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