New Bats For You Andy: Answers Some Problems of Cricket Australia

Dann KhanAnalyst IJune 11, 2009

BRIDGETOWN, BARBADOS - JUNE 12: Andrew Symonds of Australia plays a shot during day one of the third test match between the West Indies and Australia at Kensington Oval on June 12, 2008 in Bridgetown, Barbados.  (Photo by Chris McGrath/Getty Images)

Cricket Australia is currently having a torrid time taking care of its affairs.

They have had their team just crash out in the very first round of the tournament. And even before that they have been nowhere near to the world champions' standard that they have set.

Along with this they have a certain Andrew Symonds who is not making things any easier for them. Each and every time when the team requires his power hitting the most, he ends up doing something or the other to get himself thrown out of the team. Drinking being one of those activities.

So in such a case what should Cricket Australia do?

I have the answer for you. Get Symonds some new bats. Yeah, you heard me right, get him some new bats.

A carefully designed bat made out of glass which is strong enough to to hit those big sixes.

But that is not all—make the bat hollow and fill it with beer.

I'll tell you how it will work. First, of all Andrew Symonds can be kept away from pubs. Why would he want to go to a pub if his own board is ready to provide him liquor during the match?

Yes, that does mean that CA has to allow him to drink while on a tour. But it's better if he drinks in front of you as you you can monitor him.

Second, since he will not want to lose the precious beer stored in his bat, he will try his best not to break the bat by playing foolish shots. So that would provide you with a lot of consistency.

Yes, there is a very good chance that he will stop playing any hard-hitting shots, but that is a risk worth taking. And maybe is sometime when he gains more confidence he will start playing those ones as well.

Besides, the bat has to be made strong enough to take the load or the whole experiment is a waste

Third, there has to be rule that he does not drink in the middle of the match or in the dressing room if he is out so he can play in a fairly sober state. He should only be allowed to drink from his bat cum bottle after the day's play is over.

But if the Aussie board agrees to let him have a sip or two secretly during the drinks break, then he will look to stay at the crease for as many drinks breaks as possible. Also helping in greater consistency. The sips will also relax Symo which would allow him to play better.

But just in case our dear friend gets drunk you should always be ready with a duplicate Symonds. I am sure the duplicate will get out quickly, which may lead to the Aussies losing the match, but in the long run it will help them. But say the situation really gets bad, then god help you Cricket Australia and god help dear Symo.

I know this is tough for you CA but if you can't do this, then kiss any chances of having a four-trick of ODI World Cups goodbye and the No.1 Test ranking and those countless number of series you used to win.

Besides all this, the Aussie board may well become a trendsetter. They can also have a deal with Mr. Lalit Modi to have these bats in the IPL. Making friends with the BCCI and helping them out always helps.

Also the board will earn a lot of money through this scheme.

Soon, the rest of the Aussie team may use these bats too. So maybe the whole team will play whacky cricket.

So all in all it a completely profitable situation for Cricket Australia

And aah... just as I am writing this article another point came to my mind. In case someone wants to ease his bladder, he take one of these bats which haven't been filled with beer and ease his body of the pressure.

Maybe once these bats are made, people will try to make similar ball too. With the liquid inside changing the whole mechanics of bowling.