"Twerking hard? Or hardly twerking? [slaps knee] See what I did there, Doc? Just kidding. Get back to surgery!"
There is a time for twerking, and there are times when booty shaking is best left out of the equation. For example, an athlete dancing in the locker room after a game is more acceptable than, say, a medical professional flopping that whopper after a successful triple bypass.
Unlike other professions, athletes can put some bump in their hump whenever and wherever they please. No reason is necessary. Its come to the point where music is even optional. All they need is some form-fitting pants and a song in their hearts/upper thighs.
The following are a number of athlete who love shimmying their butts more than most people love anything. These are athletes who love to twerk.
What do they call "twerking" in Belarus?
I'll leave that question to the booty-jiggling philosophers, and instead focus on Victoria Azarenka's 2013 twerk video—a groundbreaking piece of cinematography that marries form with function. And quaking butt cheeks.
The Belarusian tennis star posted a "Miley Cyrus-inspired" video of her and former tennis pro Meilen Tu standing on a vibrating, wonder-machine.
Are they using this equipment properly? What say you, experts?
Brook Tessmacher is a TNA wrestler and her "Twerk-Out" routine is exactly what it sounds like—a visual buffet of booty bouncing that takes place all over the gym.
Twerking in the locker rooms...twerking in the sauna...Tessmacher even manages some inverted, one arm twerking—just so men can experience the unique sensation of being emasculated and excited at the same time.
Look familiar to you?
Unless you've been trapped in a mason jar for the last six months, chances are you've seen this video of American surfer Anastasia Ashley going through her twerking warmup routine.
What you might not know, however, is that Ashley will be featured in the 2014 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. Love it or hate it, that fact alone is a testament to the earth-moving power of twerking.
What can twerk do for you? This.
Bernard Pollard can do things other man can't do.
He can pop it, lock it and then drop it on down. He can twerk while maintaining a perfect split.
The reason? He's from Fort Wayne, Indiana—a nerve center for exotic dance in the American heartland. The place is practically thigh deep in molly sweat and funky intentions. I mean, just look at that hot, nasty skyline:
It can never be unseen. Never.
I'm almost sorry for doing this, but the moment you clicked on this slideshow you entered into a pact—a twerk pact.
You knew that any and all athlete bootyshaking could and would be thrown your way without warning—even horrendous CapriSun ads of Stephen Curry grabbing his knees and shaking his tail like some kind of deranged, hoop-shooting Betty Boop. I didn't do this to you.
You did this to you.
GIF via 4Gifs.com
There's time to go all out and there's a time to hang back—fortunately for us, Shaq has never heard of the latter.
O'Neal will do anything for a laugh, and I'm certain that if it ever came down to it, he'd twerk for a McRib if it meant eating.
That said, Miley still makes him sick.
Roger Goodell would have a field day in the "Legends Football League."
After taking down an opponent in the open field, Los Angeles Temptations safety Ogom Chijindu dropped down and anointed the tackle with a celebratory spritzing of Alpa Chino's favorite drink.
This alone would've cost her a month's pay in the National Football League, and the footage would then be featured in an NFL "Bloopers" video sold by the league. Because that's just good business.
Oh, nothing—just basketball superstar Skylar Diggins twerking up a hot storm on top of a bed.
The Tulsa Shock guard became a national sensation while playing college ball at Notre Dame, and more than a few CBB fans dropped to their knees in prayer after she posted an impromptu twerk session to Instagram in 2013.
Also, she will be in the 2014 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. Just sayin'.
This is NC State catcher John Mangum, a man amongst boys in the body moving and/or grooving department.
He's like a modern Marky Mark, without the denim and tendency to embrace chain link fences.
Image via YouTube / MSN.com
"She's a lady on the street, but a freak with the wedge."
Jeehae Lee, Beth Bader and a host of fellow lady golfers got together in 2011 to create "Da Grip"—an educational video on proper chipping form aimed at forever ruining the minds of young golfers everywhere.
From now on, whenever you go to chip onto the green, women in long shorts dropping that badonk to a Freak Nasty beat will swarm in your mind's eye and bay for your soul.
Dropping that thun thun on Twitter.