I just trawled through the Daily Telegraph's (I felt curious today. Get over it)
transfer talk page about the Spurs squad. However, three stories were taken from other sources. The rest of them are from the Telegraph's own intensely bored journalists.
It's almost a week old, but you know transfer talk. It can be a whole season old but still be regurgitated, such as the prising of Kenwyne Jones from Sunderland.
One of the most positively surprising stories I heard was about Tottenham Hotspur competing with Fulham to land Real Madrid's Ruud Van Nistelrooy for a
rock-bottom price of £1.25million.
This story is slightly more believable than the usual newspaper dribble, which only has one use, and that's to dribble on some more.
Real Madrid have decided to scoop out a large number of their players and replace with newly-signed Kaka. £62million worth of Brazilian ego does take up a lot of room.
Real's president, Florentino Perez, also exposed his desire for Cristiano Ronaldo and David Villa to be transferred.
It is seemingly plausible. Ronaldo's career at Manchester United has been placed into doubt before and David Villa is already deciding this week between Chelsea and
Real Madrid. Both clubs have ambition, but Chelsea's frequent managerial switches have unsettled the team over the last two years.
Guus Hiddink has returned to his post at Russia's National team basecamp as headcoach, while Ancelotti arrives from AC Milan to most likely
change Chelsea's team tactics once again.
Now back to Spurs with the Telegraph's Tottenham Transfer News with 'ME' as your brutally honest correspondent.
I'd love to know which ones you think are the REEEAALLY stupid rumours.
1) Didier Zokora was recently approached by Sevilla FC and Spurs have been offered £8milion for the Ivorian (The Mirror)
PLAUSIBLE - Zokora's appearances have lessened towards the end of the season in favour of Bale and Bentley in one final attempt at getting something out of them.
However, his family are currently based in London with him and Harry has yet to make a big enough complaint about his performance.
I like Zokora. He never stops running. Can keep the ball to break up opposition play and never complains about anything. His physical commitment enjoyment while playing for the club is what I like and expect from all football players.
2) Harry Redknapp has indicated willingness to do a double swap with Aston Villa.
Out: David Bentley and Tom Huddlestone.
In: John Carew and Ashley Young + Cash
PLAUSIBLE - David Bentley is complete deadwood to Spurs now and the likes of Villa and Everton have been interested in signing him before. Huddlestone has slightly dipped in form, although I don't find it too concerning right now.
'Arry wants "players in their prime" and what better examples than John Carew
(ex-Lyon forward) and Ashley Young, arguably one of the best English players in the League (please try and forget John Terry, Rio Ferdinand, Wayne Rooney, Ledley King and Aaron Lennon just for a little while, if you can).
3) Blackburn Rovers' goalie, Paul Robinson could return to Spurs after just one season.
TOTAL B*LL***S! - Despite having an average mid-table finish,
Blackburn have Robbo down as their first-choice keeper.
On the Spurs point of view, Gomes has already achieved legendary status at Spurs with not only great performances towards the end of this season but also breaking an 89 year old record for the least goals conceded at home in an entire season.
With that, his position in goal and in fans' good books has only been further fortified.
Carlo Cudicini, a former Chelsea goalkeeper, is further back-up for Gomes.
As a result of all considered points, Robinson won't leave Blackburn in a hurry and can't just waltz back into first-team football at Spurs.
4) Tom Huddlestone is being scrutinised by Bolton Wanderers for a £10million deal.
UNLIKELY - Teams need back-up when injuries plague the players.
Just ask everyone's favourite complacent frenchman—Arsene Wenger.
He could sit and twitter on for hours (includes frequent 'err...ing') about how much he's missing Tomas Rosicky, how good he was at sewing Eduardo back together and how he never wants to play Birmingham City again unless they all have a yellow card before the match starts.
Tom Huddlestone is quite capable of dealing with frequent first-team football and can pull off some great passes and strikes. He is a useful cog in the team machine, although there is constant competition for midfield places with players like Modric, Palacios, Jenas and Bentley in the mix.
5) Portsmouth's Glen Johnson is a Spurs target, but Chelsea are also keen on the England full-back.
50 percent SUBSTANTIAL - Yes, Spurs have had their eye on Johnson for a while, but it doesn't mean he's going to go to Spurs.
Johnson played for four years at Chelsea and even then was pushed out by the presence of Paulo Ferreira.
And with the rest of the Portuguese national backline doing a perfect job for Chelsea's defence (Belletti, Bosingwa etc.), there's little room for Johnson at the moment.
6) Lazio striker, Goran Pandev is said to be preparing to join Tottenham.
B*LL***S! - Pandev has decided to stay at Lazio until 2010, as specified on his contract (that little piece of paper used for players and managers to practice their signatures on in case of court issues).
7) Harry Redknapp has revived his interest in Sunderland's Kenwyne Jones, despite Sunderland's survival in the League.
B*LL***S! - During January's transfer window (08/09 season), Jones signed an extensive four-and-a-half year contract with the Black Cats, silencing further speculation.
Spurs have enough strikers anyway. Modric could always cover for one too.
Although ideally, it'd make Robbie Keane work a bit harder for his place on the squad.
Other than that, Jones is going nowhere.
To be perfectly honest with you, not every transfer can be based solely on the player himself, but also where they'd fit in with the rest of the squad.
I'd love to see Van Nistelrooy power through a defence and whack the ball in, or
latch onto a searching cross from Aaron Lennon in order to head the ball in while
scraping his face across the turf due to the low height of the ball.
However, it would jeapordise the positions of Defoe, Pavlyuchenko and Bent in the pecking order.
The successful solution cannot be a 4-3-3 to let Keane and Defoe onto the wings because that's Modric's and Lennon's patch where their constant annoyance to defenders allows the rest of the team to push through the centre and the midfield is 'emptier', leading to more easily-executed opposition counter-attacks.
Oh well...I guess that current players may just have to pull their finger out a bit more.